adyton punk

New card. A whole new event. Forget about last week. I don’t care. Either way, I don’t care. What even happened? You know this. Perhaps I don’t. You can’t believe anything you see. What? I’m a PPV killer now? No. Just adjusting. To one day be something less ugly than I am now. I want to be the best. Take the positive validation and turn the page. I want to rip their hearts out. That’s what drives me. The worst car in the city and all. Something about having to play catch up makes everything else so much easier. It seems like the pages on the book are flipping really fast.

Lapilus vs. Stamann

Lapilus ML? I think that’s the play. You can take the finish but I’m not doing more than pocket change on this. 

Moura vs. Gomes

I’ve been waiting to bet Moura. Look into her eyes and tell me what you see. We don’t have to talk about it. La nueva generación. Moura ML 3.0 units. Yeah, you like that? Switching over to units because I want to fit in. Get your reservations in place. 

Castaneda vs. Marcos

Speaking of my patience, I think this weekend it pays off, once again. Daniel Marcos is an opp. It’s written in the stars. I’m hammering here. I’m jack hammering until I finish. This is going to be a lot of money here, guy. We’re talking 2 units on Castaneda ML. Heat check waiting to happen. If he boxes the bleeding head off and kicks the bleeding leg off - so be it. “This is MMA, bro, not boxing.” John will show him deep waters. 1 unit on the over in rounds. 

Lee vs. De La Rosa

1 unit on De La Rosa. I just have to. That’s fam, by proxy. Truly a story that perfectly captures how superficial and vapid I am. I regret nothing but, angel’s reading, remember, people change. It’s not about what’s on the outside, it’s about what’s on the inside. A hypocrite, too. Nobody is amused here. Just throw out the due diligence.

Radtke vs. Prates

I’m not going to bet this fight. Radtke has earned my admiration, homophobic slurs and all. Prates was love at first sight. The head tat, ‘Muay Thai’ on the chest, Brazilian, great striker. He has all the intangibles you want to see. Add to this the stone cold stare. He’s great. I just can’t doubt Chuck Buffalo. I’ll probably never doubt Prates if he KOs Radtke. That’s not where we are, however. Perhaps I’m going to be on the outside looking in on the rise of Prates’ star. Perhaps. The odds make it look that way. I just don’t see anything clear enough to bet. Fan fight (might throw a few dollars at the Radtke by decision).

Moises vs. Klein

I think this fight goes to decision and Klein steals it or Thiago finishes Klein. That’s how I’m betting it, in a way. Over on rounds 1.5 units. Moises ML 1.5 units. Fight to go to decision .5 unit. Dark horse. Dark horse.

Baeza vs. Soriano

Watched film on this one. I thought perhaps I had never seen a Baeza fight. No. He’s just that fucking boring. I think that if you play nice with him, he beats you. If you take some of his shots and walk him down, you beat him. Punahele lives for the grind. Baeza will be on his back foot. Less power. I like Soriano ML for 1.5 units.

Marquez vs. Reese

Zachary got heat checked. It happens. When you get heat checked by Cody Brundage…more questions than answers begin to emerge. Then Brundage survives Nickal. Things look slightly better. I’m on the side of life now where I want to believe in people. I want to bet on the little guy. The pomp, the tramp, the hobo. Reese 1.5 units. Over on rounds 1 unit.

Ferreira vs. Soltzfus

The odds on this fight are pretty misguiding, I think. It’s a bad sweat even if it stops going to the Hulk’s side (which I don’t think it will). Yeah, Ferreira wins if he can catch Soltzfus, or put a pace on him. Are you willing to bet that at this price? Nothing about this fight stands out for me. 185 has shown things to me, however. If it’s muddled, be on the safe side like the two men in the cage. This fight ends up being more conservative. I like the over on rounds for 1.5 units.

Rosas vs. Turcios

Fuck this fight. I just want it to be over with it. I like Turcios out of spite. There’s a certain part of our soul - which is within all of us - that loves being a perfectionist. Let’s say it like that. Leave it settling where it sits. Turcios ML for whatever $5 bills are stuffed under the mattress and in the couch at your place.

Reyes vs. Jacoby

I’m not betting this because I don’t have to. I feel like Reyes survives. I might bet the over on rounds, but these are bigger strikers and that can always backfire. I think that’s my only bet because the Dustin line is getting a bit steep. That’s more me wanting to be within 200. If you want to play it here, play it. I’m being a bitch. Wait, what’s happening. Let’s lean into it. Jacoby ML 2 units.

Cannonier vs. Imavov

Now I’m really not betting. But I bet it’s a weird fight. It ends up becoming some sort of boxing event with grappling seasoned into it (Cannonier for sure, somehow). I won’t bet, though. I won’t bet. It goes to a decision and then people wonder who won because they both ultimately can’t finish. You have to finish whoever is in front of you. Going to decision ends up coming down to mentality, I’ve learned. When memory fails me, my moments right now aren’t so sour. There’s something that festers euphoria nearby. All it takes is reaching out, with a piece of yourself, into a conversation that you can never leave until it’s over. That’s finishing. 

Wash, bath, wash, wash. Something’s got to give, right? Dipping our toes into props. Could add an element of greatness or make me fall off a slippery slope. Don’t forget my heritage. My roots. I admire the little rock. Diversified and stingy. I can’t wait for my next purchase in war stocks. War clicks. Cliques all around me. Lost and found shopping spree. Maybe I’ll finance it off this weekend’s picks. I can hardly wait. Just win. However that looks. 

Raposo vs. Lima

Heat check. If it wasn’t for Severino being a psychopath and deciding to have a bite mid fight, Lima was going to lose. I love that this line has tipped more on the Lima side. Throw some spare change at Mitchy Raposo ML.

Gall vs. Hafez

People say I’m scared and I don’t go out? I’m mad because people talk about me and my team inside the bus. You know: this is red corner team. Gall to win by finish $20 flyer. There will be props.

Rowe vs. Matthews

I just want to write about this fight because of how bad I think it will be in terms of action. That’s also why I want to bet it. These two just don’t compliment each other well. Matthews is this weird gatekeeper and I think Rowe will turn into one. This fight just screams low energy. It will be slow, some wresting/clinching perhaps. Staying away from picking a winner here (I do like Rowe a bit more). What I will do is bet O2.5 rounds for 10% of my purse.

Dawson vs. Solecki

When your achilles heel is your chin, I’m going to bet against you. Right? Right? I’m fading some of my beliefs this card. Turning against myself. Become your worst enemy. Fuck you, Grant. I won’t forget. Can’t wait to bet against this man, but it’s not in this spot. I could break a brick over my head, so God knows I wouldn’t get sparked by a jab. I want my get back. Letting 10% ride on Dawson by finish.

Almeida vs. Romanov

The Romanov’s were quite a family. Not sure if this slob has anything to do with them, but he’s getting tapped. Bringing dishonor upon the name. Almeida to win by finish 15% of my bank roll. He could decide to use his hands after the Blaydes embarrassment. Just like Dawson, he has a lot to prove this fight, and it could be with the striking. 

Almeida vs. Kopylov 

Kopylov crashed back to earth in front of my eyes as a man nicknamed “fluffy” choked him out. A great striking prospect preyed upon by the dark arts of grappling. That danger is not present in this fight for Kopylov; however, I think it is greatly present for Almeida. Kopylov has been training in Dagestan. It’s the path of least resistance. It’s what I would do in the first round, at least. Watch the gas tank looking for those takedowns but at least make Almeida think about the whole puzzle. I want to see an ankle pick to outside foot sweep. Something tells me Kopylov has that in him. 20% of my money on Kopylov ML. Yeah, on a pick em. Gnarled up. 

Brown vs. Zaleski Dos Santos 

Psycho bet. I’m betting on the guy with borderline personality disorder. Blah, blah, blah. You know me. He’s insane. Yes, he’s another old man I’m banking on. I’m well aware. I go back to the well. Even when it’s brutal like with Edson or it’s redeeming like with Ferreira. I feel like Randy Brown can get wide eyed when someone starts connecting. He starts seeing traffic. Zaleski don’t care. You’re gonna have to catch some license plates. Zaleski ML 5%.

Price vs. Morono

Put food on the table by any means necessary. We need an “icons” league within the UFC for these types of fights. Respect, but also stop getting brain damage for 15k. Just teach, I don’t know. Do HVAC, get into real estate, get a nursing certificate. Easier said than done. It’s an addiction even if they know they’ll never sniff the belt. I’m addicted to fading Alex Morono. I like Price here after he took a dive against Lawler and now might get cut. 5% of my cash on Price ML. 

Polish Guy vs. Holland

Polish Guy got beat up kinda bad by Michel Pereira - who is a heavyweight. This is a good fight for both these gentlemen. Life seems to have become an inverted nightmare for Holland after the Thompson and MVP fights. The world is twisted and doesn’t make much sense to Kevin right now. It just can’t. I know you’re not a fool. Tonight the music seems so loud. Maybe it’s better this way. O1.5 10% and Polish Guy ML sprinkle $20. 

Strickland vs. Costa 

I think Strickland has an anarchistic chin. In fact, 125 people to one community might be too much for Sean - even if you explain it to him. Just throw him out on 20 acres of bare land with canned food and water like a dog. Leave the man alone. Some guns for entertainment, perhaps. This whole card is a trap. I’m writing with confidence, but everything goes. PPV, middle weights, guys with no chin, guys with no resume, American judging, PC judging, staph infections. Mankind is a calamity so we end up disassociating from our personal downfalls. Making them out to be not as macabre or glorifying the darkness they can reach. Costa sleeps that guy...in my heart of hearts he does. That’s what something inside me tells me - for some stupid reason. Probably because the 185 division doesn’t make sense. I won’t bet in favor of that feeling, however. Fading my instinct. The fight to go to decision 10% and Strickland ML/Makhachev ML 15%. 

Let’s talk about this 15% ML parlay between the American patriot and Russian chinstrap. Nobody is going to tell you this is smart money. Nobody. Fuck them. They can eat shit and die. We’re close with Arthur Bodelot.

Makhachev vs. Poirier

Save the stupid shit with the jumping the gilly.  Everyone seems to think Islam gets him out of there in under a round but won’t bet it. Then there’s the delusional crowd that think Poirier pulls off the upset because why not another PPV meltdown. Totally ignoring Dustin’s issues with grappling. Acting like Islam has never kick boxed. Talking about how Islam struggled with a 145er. Shut up. Islam might piece him. Here’s what I will do, I will stick to betting just 15% on Makhachev/Strickland ML parlay. With a light bet on Dustin Poirier by finish. Everything is lined up. Knowing how to throw, aligning the whip. Different mechanics. Inside trip here to offset from that mean overhand. She put it in my hand upstate. 54% something to behold even from the house.

How’d I ride those highs and lows last Saturday? Huh? I need to know, you bastard. Can’t get me off this rodeo ride. Bucking it to sleep. You witnessed the oscillations and probably caught a nasty case of vertigo. Come on, now. From shotgun in my mouth due to the Robelis bath, to washed out with a +1100 $20 ticket in the span of 30 minutes. Wake up! It’s not that I won, it’s that I avoided the abyss. My finger is on the pulse and I would bet Robelis again if I could. This is becoming just one big algo party for me. Give it a year to calibrate to perfection. Call me Watson before you get there, baby. AWS wants to be me. 

Demopolous vs. Ducote

I like the upset from Demopolous. She seems to just pull it out of the fire. Both these ladies are decent fighters so only make it a $20 flier. Why not? 

Alateng vs. Rodrigues

I see Alateng at reasonable odds, I bet Alateng at reasonable odds. I feel like I’ve said that about him before. KISS. I’d like to think that Alateng would be one of the generals of Khan’s, “The Machine.” Because of this alone, he’s getting 5% of my betting money this weekend wagered on his ML. Where you at, Subutai? I think he’s selling wolf tickets.

Magomedov vs. Alves

I’m actually not going to spite bet here. Shocking, but true. It’s happening. I’m going to bet 5% of my money on the Abus TKO KO DQ. He’s finally adjusting to life off the juice box and I think this should be a gimme matchup (I know, Abus should never get that much trust, but I feel something). 

Vidal vs. Gatto

I regret nothing. Judge a book by its cover. Veronica Hardy is becoming too much like Dan. This fight will prove me right. 5% of my money on the androgynous folk ML (Vidal). Comfortable losing some pocket here.

Martinez vs. Nolan

5% of my scratch this Saturday on Nolan TKO KO DQ. I’ll look stupid, maybe. Who cares. Too long, too Australian. Martinez has some suspect opponents next to his name, as well.

Pinheiro vs. Hill

I hate that I didn’t capitalize on this line earlier. All the way down to a -142 for my sweet Angela ‘Not Over The’ Hill. 25% of my dough this weekend on Hill ML. That’s a tough lady. 

Yáñez vs. Salvador 

Make this another $20 flier. I think Yáñez is a product of easy matchups and a few shining moments. I think Salvador is the lesser fighter - don’t get me wrong - but like we saw last weekend this is a game. You have to play the game of MMA and I have this weird feeling Salvador has that game down more than Adrian. If he can weather the first round and establish kicking range it’s a solid bet. Watch the Yáñez TKO KO DQ bet be the top earner this Saturday. 

Gorimbo vs. Brahimaj 

I’m always going to bet on the recently homeless African weight bully going up against the guy who spams takedowns. Every day and twice on Sunday. Gorimbo was eating scraps off Colby’s table. The Rock gave him a house. Can this me my black Joe Pyfer? I think he can. The visuals are to visceral. 20% of my cash this weekend is on Gorimbo ML. 

Williams vs. Harris 

Carlston Harris has won me money plenty of times in my life. It’s why I find him inspiring. Sure, he’s let me down before, but I just can’t turn my back on my favorite fighter from Dagestan who isn’t Dagestani and has never been there. He’s from fucking Guayana. Find that on the map. He inspires me. To be that massive of a snoozer and not be Russian is something special. 25% of my money this card goes on Mocambique’s head in the form of his ML.

Barboza vs. Murphy 

This is probably too much money to put on him, but I’m going to because my amygdala is the size of a sesame seed. 10% of my dough on Barboza ML. We’re used to Lerone being the bigger man at 145 in most of his fights. Barboza, despite his lean figure, will be larger than Murphy. I also think Barboza will be slightly faster even though Murphy is younger. Speed comes with rhythm and the experience of Barboza is a whole samba. Next, I’m counting on Edson’s versatility in attacks along with his output. These are my reasons. The first round is going to be a tight asshole moment but I feel good now that I wrote out my thoughts. We see. 

P.S. Throw your life savings on Tyson Fury.

Petrino gave me a bath last weekend. As hot as that sounds to everyone, it was actually a traumatizing experience for me. These things happen. I’ve been through my fair share of pain, but watching Anthony Smith waltz around the octagon as if he still has “it” is about as low as I’ve ever gotten, truly. As low as it fucking gets. Petrino just wide-eyed coming to grips with the fact he is human. I cried a little. Man cry sometime. Not always tough guy. Probably the first negative feeling I’ve internalized in over a decade. But I won’t take my pain and force it on to my brother. No, I’ll fight the wheel that will ultimately crush me. We’ve got arguably the biggest whale of all time this week. My head is ready to go in the fan. This catch is pushing Diego Lopes numbers. Bigger probably. Big money on this card all around, really. I love my dirty fight nights. I love the dogs. Directed rage in STL. My makeup is smeared while I kick about on the linoleum bathroom. There’s still a notepad at my feet, don’t forget. And one of those cell phones from the store with the neon lights and loud music.

Aldrich vs. Hardy

Judge a book by its cover. You know what I mean? Judge a book by its cover. WMMA analysis. JJ Aldrich ML 5% of my cash.

Johnson vs. Hadley

Plus-aholic. Bark bark. Maybe 125 isn’t that bad of a weight class, I don’t know. I’m betting on the guy who has upset me before, badly. This guy surprised me with his professionalism and I have to give him the respect he deserves. Johnson The Professional. Johnson ML 10% of the bank roll.

Goff vs. Waters

Live dog. Absolutely barking off the collar. This whole card is just loaded with Mike Vick’s pups. Absolute chompers on ‘em. Goff ML 5% of the scratch. 

McKinney vs. Ribovics

I’m not going to stop, I already told you. T-Wrecks, man. Bark bark. I can’t believe this line, actually. Disrespect. I’m slamming a good 10% of my lana this weekend on McKinney ML. I don’t care about Ribovics…he’s Argentinian. I just don’t care what he has to do or say. 

Hooper vs. Borschev

This is just a gimmicky fight. Both of these guys have a scent of un-seriousness - especially Slava Clause (such a stupid fucking nickname). I probably won’t bet on this much but I like Borschev simply because Hooper is an American softy. Yeah, I’m also slightly addicted to guys with terrible nicknames. Regardless, Americans just don’t know how to deal with guys who grew up around human rights atrocities. If your parent’s combined gross income was above 75k/year USD growing up - don’t even look at me to pick you in a fight. Don’t even smell the same air as me. You’re gonna break with time. 

Cortes-Acosta vs. Despaigne

*Whale sounds.* *Continued.* *Continued.* *Men frantically pacing on a ship’s deck yelling commands.* *A massive shadow looms in the black mist.* *Cut to black.* This line is the definition of suspicious behavior by Vegas and…I don’t care at all. I don’t care that 97% of the public money has been on Despaigne. I don’t care that the line is still only -250 at the time of writing this (or so - all the lines have been jumpy this card) despite that fact. I don’t care that everything says there will be a curveball to this fight (look at me making puns involving fighter’s past). This line has been a catastrophe from the start (opened at -166 Despaigne) and I’m not taking a bath this week - even if it’s with Petrino. One of the biggest bets I’ve ever made. I’m ready to die ass out. This is a shit coin waiting to be pumped and dumped. You know this. No nacimos pa semilla. I’ll end up mangled in some Saab out in the Croatian countryside anyway. I know this, so my head goes in the fan. Despaigne ML+TKO/KO/DQ is 40% of my flesh. 

Caceres vs. Woodson

I don’t want to bet this fight but the line is too enticing. 5% on Caceres ML. I’m gonna regret just giving money away but at this point it’s kinda fun to lose money on Seans (especially the Martian man in his home town). 

Ferreira vs. Rebecki 

Can’t bet this fight seriously but I’ve been saying for a while that Rebecki gets heat checked. At a certain point, someone figures out how to time all those power shots and keeps range to beat him. Ferreira won’t do that but it’s worth $20 on his TKO/KO/DQ at +1100.

Menifield vs. Ulberg

Handsome squidward strikes again. I haven’t seen a reasonable line on Ulberg…ever, I think. I bet his TKO/KO/DQ with a bit of my money this Saturday. Menifield is good and he’s not dumb, but Ulberg has two weapons (calf kick and body kick) that I see causing problems in Menifield’s rhythm. It could easily be a decision win for Ulberg so I have parlays out there with him, Despaigne, and Lewis. Ulberg please don’t do this to me back to back weekends. I have my guys and it’s not fun seeing them lose.

Buckley vs. Ruziboev

I’m so nervous to write about this fight. Not because it’s an incredibly even contest, but because I think the emotions around this fight, regardless of the result, will leave me shitting my pants. Nursy, sweet, inbred prince. You captured my heart after you cheated and dismantled Sedriques Dumas. Rocking the funny hat and all. It’s pathetic but I put close to 10% of my money this card on you just because you’re a cheater and look like something that is close to being human, yet, so far away at the same time. I don’t care that Buckley is fighting in front of the hood in STL. That should tell you how strongly I feel about Ruziboev. Nursy becomes one of Ferguson’s own on Saturday. We’re on the outside looking in. Ruziboev ML 10%.

Lewis vs. Nascimento

Ridiculous line in a way. I’m only putting 15% of my money on Lewis as of now, but it certainly might be more come Saturday. I don’t get these lines and that does make me worried. This Saturday is the definition of bravery. It just is. Take me to deep oceans, I float anywhere, brotha. We go 1 on 1 I’m in the zone right now. This not smart for you, brotha.

We came back to earth last week and washed out. As soon as I was robbed in the Machado fight, I put out the Rat symbol and doubled down on Karine. Hand up. I was naughty. That being said, we’re not going to chase like that this weekend, we just can’t. PPVs are not the place to hound down speeding cars with ceramic brakes. Awful card betting wise but we can see about churning that cream into butter. We see, we see.

Costa vs. Borjas

I’m done betting flyweights for more than 5% of the flesh I have on the line any given night. Those little guy fights make no sense (as if anything in this sport does). Both when there is a stoppage or with the judging - chaos. Costa ML 5% of the bag via Chute Box class. I just don’t think Borjas has nailed down the “mixed” part of MMA. I’m a fucking mouth breather, too, so, buyer beware.

Bonfim vs. Pinchel

Odds are too insane to bet straight up on a guy who has been upset badly before (like other fighters this card). Not saying to bet on Pinchel but it’s either Bonfim or Pereira who stink it up this weekend. Pick your poison, I guess. Bonfim will be more motivate and I can’t handle how unserious Pereira is in the cage. 

Ruffy vs. Mullarkey

I’ve been waiting to fade this contender series prospect. Ruffy beat a good, physical opponent in the DWCS and everyone started creaming themselves. I think it was the other guy’s gas tank giving up on him once he wasn’t able to get Ruffy out there, more so than Ruffy’s skill, which won that fight. Sure, good counter boxing and shot selection by Ruffy. Still, Mullarkey is a zombie and you need to spark him or he will break you. Completely different fight from last year. This is a litmus test most young fighters can’t pass. I think Mullarkey gains more respect as the fight goes. Mullarkey 10% of the purse ML. Might regret not betting this more.

Silva vs. Klose 

Drakkar seems to have something wrong with him. I like that. You know I do. A loose screw plus a fairly safe fighting style will always beat whatever technique and daily affirmations or whatever bullshit you want to bring to the table. Silva doesn’t worry me with his BJJ against a guy as maniacal as Klose. 15% of my money this card goes on Klose ML.

Brenner vs. Orolbai

The oddsmakers dragged me back into betting this fight when I thought I was out. Michael and I talked at the lake. The Brenner disrespect is just too much. He’s got the experience and egomaniac profile you love to see. Expect to see him eat a cinder block and smile right back while doing so. Expect for him to get back up after a successful takedown - on rage alone. Yes, Orolbai appeals to my love for snoozers and Neolithic-era men from Eastern Europe, sure. He’s a beautiful specimen that pushes the boundaries of the human imagination, I hear you. Nonetheless, I have to throw ~10% of my cash on Brenner ML.

Shore vs. Brito

Baby whale, again. Time to get my heart broken somehow, again. There is some sort of mysticism tied to this whale. Brito confidently beat Diego Lopes back in the contender series. That should tell you everything you need to know. Don’t get me wrong, Jack Shore worries me in some ways. He’s got the experience and he’s tough. I just think Brito is la nueva generación. Brito ML and make it ~30% of your bank roll.

Parlay the next three fights: Borralho, Pereira (can be substituted with Bonfim), Petrino. The Favela Trifecta. Do it, my brudda. We can’t afford to lose. Yet, we’ve got nothing to lose. Oh, how could I almost forget, 15% of the bag on Petrino KO/TKO/DQ.

Martinez vs. Aldo

Brazil isn’t going to like how this fight ends. It could be nasty. I think Martinez reminds us why Aldo was retired. The head movement and speed aren’t there anymore and - to make matters worse - he’s facing a guy who won’t be on the back foot. Flashbacks to the Yan “fight.” Martinez ML takes up roughly 10% of my gambling gambles this weekend.

Pantoja vs. Erceg

I’m betting 5% of my skrilla this weekend on Pantoja ML. 5% and I still have a terrible feeling about it. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let the 125 pound division torment me with amazing fights that don’t go my way? On a Main Event, to make matters worse, where I usually shit down my leg. I’ve become stingy. I think I just believe in Pantoja’s daddy issues too much. That’s the honest to God answer. What? Did you expect some technical analysis like, “Pantoja will be able to have top control and keep the fight out of danger which I leads to a unanimous decision or submission”? You’ve come to the wrong place if you’re expecting that (but you probably know this, you’re smart, you think smart, think a little). Australian Michael Scott has power on his side, that’s why I’m hesitant. What keeps me confident is the fight experience from Pantoja (and the daddy issues). That’s why we still wade into the fire. I feel the love from the favelas. Also, if it goes to decision, I really do find it hard to believe the judges rob Brazilian fans [the idiot typed out while he was robbed in Mexico with Brandon Moreno]. It’s truly a gamble, but I’m half banking on corruption for the dub here.