When I become like Afghanistan

The colors still mix just right for the perfect consumer 

Sometimes we play the nail and sometimes we play the hammer

Sometimes we spit up

While looking at God 

But when you feel the blows then things start to turn

Not a conscious formation to a pre-cortex with hypoxia 

Do I turn, for you? Or for who? Or for something else? Who has the script? The play is in the headset, ugly 

Let’s begin with one statement that I want to be known:

There’s a drunk who pushes all the bloody buttons I want to push 

He’s going to lose his job, however, and soon

And if I told you that I’ve met him, you’d say I’m a liar 

Because my reality has become just that 

When I was young and dreamed and thought about the ghosts

So now sitting in a bomb shelter 

With everyone telling me to keep the pressure up 

Those who want to fuck me

Those who fuck me 

Those who fuck me over

Those who fuck me while fucking me over 

Those who fuck 

Miscreyentes who I’m used to now 

Just like you have have hardened to them 

A part of the cover story becomes the whole act of reinventing 

Cowards hide from things they fear so 

Finding something beyond that 

Moving on now for the sake of it

Passing it along to something new 

Or brand new 

Cowards is a word that unravels some, badly, almost to a childlike state 

When I talk to the old man with all the wisdom but with none of the money or fame 

He always ends up picking up his lukewarm drink and telling me 

Always like infinitely - because I have no capability to measure my words

You’ll never lose if you don’t try to win 

So I don’t believe the old fuck

I just sort of look at the poor, old fuck 

Hoping the day moves on 

And that’s only one part of it 

Weapons 

A fun tale

Someone to nod their head approvingly 

Move across the world with just that, and tell me you’re not number one 

Hey, the void 

Thank you for being here to remind us 

Just at this moment 

At this very, precise, moment 

That this whole tree grows on electricity 

That the power, from this, is from the same place and nothing can be said to diminish the finality of it all 

How none of this will be here after cocktail hour 

Unless committed

To a place where you have to check in your credentials 

And they serve only garlic bread and cigarettes

Along with your information and a government stooge

Or to the memory hole of some passenger in our life 

Who just took a piece and then took it and never thought about it again

Not even in passing, not even fleetingly 

Not even once did they think about that one thing you/me/someone did 

That whole event 

A ghost let’s themselves be seen

Perhaps the drugs that they filled us with in the school lunches - or the medicines mom and dad believed in - made us lose this sight 

With glimpses and shadows 

Just shoulders and elbows 

Of the other jumps into ponds of electromagnetism we can still jump into 

With just more budget or oversight from the c-suite, perhaps 

Without having to take off more than we ever had to

Because modest is hottest 

For Cabal (ah’s):

These linear systems of thought

When applied for long enough 

Return the effects to the parasite 

The man talks about Maria Orsic’s panty grool

So the crowd lightens up

To threaten apathy that will never be

Is how the enlightened get shot in the back 

With a date set, there’s no way to play it off

When doing some digging through the backyard

Becoming a gossiper again

Talk now

X2

Can’t even look at the light

In this post traumatic timeline

The enthusiasm becomes concentrated 

A wash of time melted from the faces of the strangers sitting around in a circle 

Temporary comfort in a borax bath 

For the confused hemoglobin drifting 

The bodies back here can’t muster it anymore 

In a closet lined up 

With zippers stitched to them 

In desperate need for a sponsorship 

From some agency

A three letter scar that’s shared 

Stick a label on them while they’re warm

Wanderlust is the envy of every curated piece

To pass the time

Staring at burnt out neurotransmitters

Playing in the garbage we made 

Who claims top control

Better yet 

Smack their noses off 

Little brats

Beloved, the gimmicks are all loveless

Took down all their pictures of you

Replaced with some bimbo who called their shot 

What was to be expected

After you’ve played with your word

1 Standing 8 count later

We know that it’s not real

Try wrapping it around the throats of those to hate

With this pool of bitterness 

The beliefs

And conspiracies 

And, yet, nobody wants to connect the photons in the blue light 

Place themselves in this chain gang 

In this backyard

All down the legs

Disciples of patience and understanding is what you’ve become

Looking around for the next last little bit of it

Sniffing frantically

Here, of all places

Get my piece

With my peace

Ole’ rat 

Ole’ rat

X2

Still begging for dominance

With waiting music stuck on replay

Transhumanism was achievable three million years ago 

The same people who missed it then, miss it now 

Stab them out 

Early and often 

All there is is time 

With, nothing else to buy

So it’s been

Lonely in the saloon past 12

No bad friends to babysit through the teeth of the machine 

Keeping the mitochondria misinformed for the examiner’s room

People living in dumpsters losing their limbs from the cold

Children getting bombs dropped on their heads

Turning into inflatable dolls in seconds 

An endless beat down will grow in the rhythm 

Forty feet is swift enough for the ranger 

A mob becomes weak if they’re going heads up 

A stove that stays hot going 20 v 1

Oklahoma drill, why not 

There’s so much racket from the bags 

That it’s a rocket just to shove it 

Get your schedulers out for more stupid shit 

Bag of air 

In this backyard with bodies

Clinking drinks 

Getting done over

Can’t steal the melanin’s conversation with DNA and RNA

Woven by intergalactic generations 

Stop sleeping for 3 years

See if the wound ever stops bleeding 

When the 2nd law of thermodynamics is violated constantly

Vagabonds with beautiful bombs strapped to their arms are wanting to chit chat 

Here, of all places 

Me, of all people 

A nod to indicate the props are in place 

Tight sentences between cuts

A life behind the lines 

Meanwhile the hot air streams by 

Threatening something that used to register 

And there’s no shame in staying alive 

Keeping a closeness to the greatest transaction

Vigor to discover the spaces of new entropy

Developing a vibration that dusts off the impure

Portals to the next place still open through breath and mirrors 

When a town rumor speaks about the after party

The shadows in the fog smile

How we get to watch it all back 

Beyond the fairytale of a man 

Or the corruption of his seed

2/17/2025 17c O/I 777,521 Vol. 3,489,685

There’s a replay of the tape out there ready

An Eastern block detail rallies behind the telegram warning 

Culture shift from targeting to admiring 

Death hasn’t found the contract that talked too much about everything  

With the choreography mapped out well ahead

It’s soothing to the mystery men doing the silent hiring 

Nowhere to compartmentalize the movements

To play aloof 

Simply made to watch

Sealing a consensus to keep the things above

As below 

Darkness no replacement for the price of entry 

How it so willingly happened 

Threw years away 

For a project with no age

Chasing after a faraday bag that desires new layers 

Keeping themselves tied to a resolution with no idea 

Precious little things came from scarcity 

Like garments falling to laws

With ATP to zero 

Victory in [  ] name only

As Planck’s constant bestows a wreath on the head 

It’s about being a soldier. Battle hardened to the core. Bad beats all over the place and it’s on me. Where the rest of you creators at? With the words “MMA” or “bets” in your name. We are all bleeding capital on the linoleum floor but who is still yapping? Adrenaline never leaving. Only I have stopped myself from seeing the board, nonetheless. Another roll of the dice and the hope remains untouched. It was me doing the harm. My sweetest enemy.

New Chinstrap vs. Ribeiro

I like the new chinstrap to win by TKO KO DQ for half a unit. I know. I know. Could be starting my night off with an easy L. The palm of my hand has spoken. Nobody can make the horse drink. I’m a bird though when I play the six. 

Bald Chinstrap vs. Dalby 

Dalby ML 1 unit because I don’t see Rinat having the wrestling or the boxing. This line seems off to me. You can’t just say Bonfim is ass now. I want to bet more but I know better. Maybe I’m just the boring husband who doesn’t smack and spit anymore? Nothing that makes the back of the head go soft. No outfit changes during the Super Bowl. What am I saying. Dalby ML 1.5 units.

Naimov vs. Lima

I don’t care how great the Brazilian regional scene is, if your first fight in the UFC is Naimov, I’m betting against you. 1.5 units on Naimov ML. He belongs as a gate keeper of the top 15 or forming a part of the top 15. Spoken.

Haqparast vs. Gordon

Awful fight but there will be a finish. I’m betting that Gordon continues to have zero game plan and gasses out early. That’s the stage in his career where I think he’s at. U2.5 rounds half a unit. Why not bet Haqparast by finish? I’m not going to answer that.

Walker vs. Oezdemir

I don’t want to bet this fight but the line is too enticing. Yes, Johnny has negative fight IQ and a questionable chin. Yes, he’s a bit insufferable. I also think he’s developed something resembling a character. Which even just a little bit of humility, grit would make Johnny a title contender. That’s what I’m betting on. 1 unit Walker ML.

Gastelum vs. Rodriguez

Half a unit on Rodriguez ML. I tossed and turned on why I felt this bet was right. Another howler perhaps. Finally made peace with it by betting less than I wanted to. 

Pavlovich vs. Volkov

Lines never move against me. It’s the cost of being the red corner. Then we will completely whiff. It has to give, or maybe it won’t and it was all just games. Just nonsense on another 2 for 1 night. Pavlovich to win by finish 1 unit. 

Whittaker vs. Aliskerov

When the lights shine down on Ikram, I see a glorious set of antlers halo around him. Sparkling with absolutely nothing in his eyes. Maybe I haven’t been vocal enough about him. He’s not from a favela nor from some back country town in West Virginia. He’s the chinstrap who merits orthographic respect. The name is Ikram Aliskerov. 2 units on his ML. 

Vale verga. No sirve este güey. Pues ya no jala como antes cuando era menos impaciente. I’ve said it before, you can’t get excited in this game. There’s no comfort in knowing that other UFC bettors had a bad week. No excuses, but also not blowing it out of proportion. Bad card. That’s what it is. That’s what it was.

Costa vs. Nuerdanbieke

I’m going to believe in myself. Who else is going to if I don’t? Costa has a lot of the tangible and intangible things you want to see in a fighter. Steve Garcia reminded him this is the fight game and you can always make it ugly. Good lesson to learn before 30. Costa decision 1 unit. Costa ML 1.5 units. 

Saragih vs. Wilson

I’m going to believe in myself. Here’s the thing, does anybody want to go toe-to-toe on adaptability? We can laugh, we can joke, but when everyone’s nuts are hanging out at the town diner, does anybody want to bet who flinches first? No gimmicks. Maybe I struggle with eye contact because of something outside of being on the spectrum. It becomes harder to announce that openly. Globally. At least not right now. Same way nobody wants to stand and bang. Trade with that. If not now, when? I’m in no hurry. This number is a bit ridiculous but I’ve grown to understand it. Saragih is kind of electric. I see it, line-makers. 1 unit that it goes over on rounds. That’s the value I see. Funny hats are like 5-2.

Quinlan vs. Fugitt

Im going to believe in myself. How is Josh Quinlan ever a favorite in a fight? I refuse to believe Fugitt is that bad. No. Fugitt ML 1.5 units. I also like the over on rounds but not betting much on that.

Flick vs. Maness

Another wild line. Once again, 125 and I doing this weird dance. I seem to like a lot of the fighters that are in this weight class. I’m 40/60 on picking fights in this weight class (and that’s being generous), however. Maness makes sense, but nobody should be betting that ML. The over 1.5 rounds at plus money seems like a steal. Leaning into that. 1 unit on the too good to be true over.

Ulanbekov vs. Van

Ulanbekov by finish 1 unit. Ulanbekov ML 2 units.

Hiestand vs. Armfield 

Armfield is good and he hits hard. His gym isn’t half bad, either. I just don’t see myself betting this number. I like pocket change on Armfield ML and the O2.5 rounds. 

Almabayev vs. Johnson

Build around the light house, build around Almabayev. This funny guy in my group of nomads said that Assu is what Money Mokaev wishes he was. Perhaps this funny guy is right. Sometimes it’s the clowns who have all the answers - like smashing NVIDIA a year ago. I’m going to chop this up a little weird. 1.5 units on Almabayev to win by finish.

Silva de Andrade vs. Johns

There is such a strong urge to bet the old, grizzled, Brazilian maniac. Turning against that feeling because Johns truly is a snoozer like none other. It’s a wash in terms of where my instinct is headed. Taking a technical look at things, I like the value on Johns. Johns ML 1 unit. Fight to go to decision .5 unit. Wait, what? No. No, I have to believe in myself. De Andrade ML 1 unit.

Cuamba vs. Almeida

Watch out. What if we do something a little weird here. Watch out. 1 unit on Cuamba over significant strikes landed. 1 unit on fight to go the distance.

Perez vs. Taira 

You kind of have to believe in Alex Perez now. He’s got that So-Cal thing you either hate or love. Or you hate it on some people, but love it on others. Tatsuro doesn’t have the striking and I don’t like that shit. I just don’t. I’m no rocket scientist, obviously. Perez ML 1 unit.

Parlay:

- Costa ML

- Ulanbekov ML

- Cuamba ML

New card. A whole new event. Forget about last week. I don’t care. Either way, I don’t care. What even happened? You know this. Perhaps I don’t. You can’t believe anything you see. What? I’m a PPV killer now? No. Just adjusting. To one day be something less ugly than I am now. I want to be the best. Take the positive validation and turn the page. I want to rip their hearts out. That’s what drives me. The worst car in the city and all. Something about having to play catch up makes everything else so much easier. It seems like the pages on the book are flipping really fast.

Lapilus vs. Stamann

Lapilus ML? I think that’s the play. You can take the finish but I’m not doing more than pocket change on this. 

Moura vs. Gomes

I’ve been waiting to bet Moura. Look into her eyes and tell me what you see. We don’t have to talk about it. La nueva generación. Moura ML 3.0 units. Yeah, you like that? Switching over to units because I want to fit in. Get your reservations in place. 

Castaneda vs. Marcos

Speaking of my patience, I think this weekend it pays off, once again. Daniel Marcos is an opp. It’s written in the stars. I’m hammering here. I’m jack hammering until I finish. This is going to be a lot of money here, guy. We’re talking 2 units on Castaneda ML. Heat check waiting to happen. If he boxes the bleeding head off and kicks the bleeding leg off - so be it. “This is MMA, bro, not boxing.” John will show him deep waters. 1 unit on the over in rounds. 

Lee vs. De La Rosa

1 unit on De La Rosa. I just have to. That’s fam, by proxy. Truly a story that perfectly captures how superficial and vapid I am. I regret nothing but, angel’s reading, remember, people change. It’s not about what’s on the outside, it’s about what’s on the inside. A hypocrite, too. Nobody is amused here. Just throw out the due diligence.

Radtke vs. Prates

I’m not going to bet this fight. Radtke has earned my admiration, homophobic slurs and all. Prates was love at first sight. The head tat, ‘Muay Thai’ on the chest, Brazilian, great striker. He has all the intangibles you want to see. Add to this the stone cold stare. He’s great. I just can’t doubt Chuck Buffalo. I’ll probably never doubt Prates if he KOs Radtke. That’s not where we are, however. Perhaps I’m going to be on the outside looking in on the rise of Prates’ star. Perhaps. The odds make it look that way. I just don’t see anything clear enough to bet. Fan fight (might throw a few dollars at the Radtke by decision).

Moises vs. Klein

I think this fight goes to decision and Klein steals it or Thiago finishes Klein. That’s how I’m betting it, in a way. Over on rounds 1.5 units. Moises ML 1.5 units. Fight to go to decision .5 unit. Dark horse. Dark horse.

Baeza vs. Soriano

Watched film on this one. I thought perhaps I had never seen a Baeza fight. No. He’s just that fucking boring. I think that if you play nice with him, he beats you. If you take some of his shots and walk him down, you beat him. Punahele lives for the grind. Baeza will be on his back foot. Less power. I like Soriano ML for 1.5 units.

Marquez vs. Reese

Zachary got heat checked. It happens. When you get heat checked by Cody Brundage…more questions than answers begin to emerge. Then Brundage survives Nickal. Things look slightly better. I’m on the side of life now where I want to believe in people. I want to bet on the little guy. The pomp, the tramp, the hobo. Reese 1.5 units. Over on rounds 1 unit.

Ferreira vs. Soltzfus

The odds on this fight are pretty misguiding, I think. It’s a bad sweat even if it stops going to the Hulk’s side (which I don’t think it will). Yeah, Ferreira wins if he can catch Soltzfus, or put a pace on him. Are you willing to bet that at this price? Nothing about this fight stands out for me. 185 has shown things to me, however. If it’s muddled, be on the safe side like the two men in the cage. This fight ends up being more conservative. I like the over on rounds for 1.5 units.

Rosas vs. Turcios

Fuck this fight. I just want it to be over with it. I like Turcios out of spite. There’s a certain part of our soul - which is within all of us - that loves being a perfectionist. Let’s say it like that. Leave it settling where it sits. Turcios ML for whatever $5 bills are stuffed under the mattress and in the couch at your place.

Reyes vs. Jacoby

I’m not betting this because I don’t have to. I feel like Reyes survives. I might bet the over on rounds, but these are bigger strikers and that can always backfire. I think that’s my only bet because the Dustin line is getting a bit steep. That’s more me wanting to be within 200. If you want to play it here, play it. I’m being a bitch. Wait, what’s happening. Let’s lean into it. Jacoby ML 2 units.

Cannonier vs. Imavov

Now I’m really not betting. But I bet it’s a weird fight. It ends up becoming some sort of boxing event with grappling seasoned into it (Cannonier for sure, somehow). I won’t bet, though. I won’t bet. It goes to a decision and then people wonder who won because they both ultimately can’t finish. You have to finish whoever is in front of you. Going to decision ends up coming down to mentality, I’ve learned. When memory fails me, my moments right now aren’t so sour. There’s something that festers euphoria nearby. All it takes is reaching out, with a piece of yourself, into a conversation that you can never leave until it’s over. That’s finishing. 

Wash, bath, wash, wash. Something’s got to give, right? Dipping our toes into props. Could add an element of greatness or make me fall off a slippery slope. Don’t forget my heritage. My roots. I admire the little rock. Diversified and stingy. I can’t wait for my next purchase in war stocks. War clicks. Cliques all around me. Lost and found shopping spree. Maybe I’ll finance it off this weekend’s picks. I can hardly wait. Just win. However that looks. 

Raposo vs. Lima

Heat check. If it wasn’t for Severino being a psychopath and deciding to have a bite mid fight, Lima was going to lose. I love that this line has tipped more on the Lima side. Throw some spare change at Mitchy Raposo ML.

Gall vs. Hafez

People say I’m scared and I don’t go out? I’m mad because people talk about me and my team inside the bus. You know: this is red corner team. Gall to win by finish $20 flyer. There will be props.

Rowe vs. Matthews

I just want to write about this fight because of how bad I think it will be in terms of action. That’s also why I want to bet it. These two just don’t compliment each other well. Matthews is this weird gatekeeper and I think Rowe will turn into one. This fight just screams low energy. It will be slow, some wresting/clinching perhaps. Staying away from picking a winner here (I do like Rowe a bit more). What I will do is bet O2.5 rounds for 10% of my purse.

Dawson vs. Solecki

When your achilles heel is your chin, I’m going to bet against you. Right? Right? I’m fading some of my beliefs this card. Turning against myself. Become your worst enemy. Fuck you, Grant. I won’t forget. Can’t wait to bet against this man, but it’s not in this spot. I could break a brick over my head, so God knows I wouldn’t get sparked by a jab. I want my get back. Letting 10% ride on Dawson by finish.

Almeida vs. Romanov

The Romanov’s were quite a family. Not sure if this slob has anything to do with them, but he’s getting tapped. Bringing dishonor upon the name. Almeida to win by finish 15% of my bank roll. He could decide to use his hands after the Blaydes embarrassment. Just like Dawson, he has a lot to prove this fight, and it could be with the striking. 

Almeida vs. Kopylov 

Kopylov crashed back to earth in front of my eyes as a man nicknamed “fluffy” choked him out. A great striking prospect preyed upon by the dark arts of grappling. That danger is not present in this fight for Kopylov; however, I think it is greatly present for Almeida. Kopylov has been training in Dagestan. It’s the path of least resistance. It’s what I would do in the first round, at least. Watch the gas tank looking for those takedowns but at least make Almeida think about the whole puzzle. I want to see an ankle pick to outside foot sweep. Something tells me Kopylov has that in him. 20% of my money on Kopylov ML. Yeah, on a pick em. Gnarled up. 

Brown vs. Zaleski Dos Santos 

Psycho bet. I’m betting on the guy with borderline personality disorder. Blah, blah, blah. You know me. He’s insane. Yes, he’s another old man I’m banking on. I’m well aware. I go back to the well. Even when it’s brutal like with Edson or it’s redeeming like with Ferreira. I feel like Randy Brown can get wide eyed when someone starts connecting. He starts seeing traffic. Zaleski don’t care. You’re gonna have to catch some license plates. Zaleski ML 5%.

Price vs. Morono

Put food on the table by any means necessary. We need an “icons” league within the UFC for these types of fights. Respect, but also stop getting brain damage for 15k. Just teach, I don’t know. Do HVAC, get into real estate, get a nursing certificate. Easier said than done. It’s an addiction even if they know they’ll never sniff the belt. I’m addicted to fading Alex Morono. I like Price here after he took a dive against Lawler and now might get cut. 5% of my cash on Price ML. 

Polish Guy vs. Holland

Polish Guy got beat up kinda bad by Michel Pereira - who is a heavyweight. This is a good fight for both these gentlemen. Life seems to have become an inverted nightmare for Holland after the Thompson and MVP fights. The world is twisted and doesn’t make much sense to Kevin right now. It just can’t. I know you’re not a fool. Tonight the music seems so loud. Maybe it’s better this way. O1.5 10% and Polish Guy ML sprinkle $20. 

Strickland vs. Costa 

I think Strickland has an anarchistic chin. In fact, 125 people to one community might be too much for Sean - even if you explain it to him. Just throw him out on 20 acres of bare land with canned food and water like a dog. Leave the man alone. Some guns for entertainment, perhaps. This whole card is a trap. I’m writing with confidence, but everything goes. PPV, middle weights, guys with no chin, guys with no resume, American judging, PC judging, staph infections. Mankind is a calamity so we end up disassociating from our personal downfalls. Making them out to be not as macabre or glorifying the darkness they can reach. Costa sleeps that guy...in my heart of hearts he does. That’s what something inside me tells me - for some stupid reason. Probably because the 185 division doesn’t make sense. I won’t bet in favor of that feeling, however. Fading my instinct. The fight to go to decision 10% and Strickland ML/Makhachev ML 15%. 

Let’s talk about this 15% ML parlay between the American patriot and Russian chinstrap. Nobody is going to tell you this is smart money. Nobody. Fuck them. They can eat shit and die. We’re close with Arthur Bodelot.

Makhachev vs. Poirier

Save the stupid shit with the jumping the gilly.  Everyone seems to think Islam gets him out of there in under a round but won’t bet it. Then there’s the delusional crowd that think Poirier pulls off the upset because why not another PPV meltdown. Totally ignoring Dustin’s issues with grappling. Acting like Islam has never kick boxed. Talking about how Islam struggled with a 145er. Shut up. Islam might piece him. Here’s what I will do, I will stick to betting just 15% on Makhachev/Strickland ML parlay. With a light bet on Dustin Poirier by finish. Everything is lined up. Knowing how to throw, aligning the whip. Different mechanics. Inside trip here to offset from that mean overhand. She put it in my hand upstate. 54% something to behold even from the house.

How’d I ride those highs and lows last Saturday? Huh? I need to know, you bastard. Can’t get me off this rodeo ride. Bucking it to sleep. You witnessed the oscillations and probably caught a nasty case of vertigo. Come on, now. From shotgun in my mouth due to the Robelis bath, to washed out with a +1100 $20 ticket in the span of 30 minutes. Wake up! It’s not that I won, it’s that I avoided the abyss. My finger is on the pulse and I would bet Robelis again if I could. This is becoming just one big algo party for me. Give it a year to calibrate to perfection. Call me Watson before you get there, baby. AWS wants to be me. 

Demopolous vs. Ducote

I like the upset from Demopolous. She seems to just pull it out of the fire. Both these ladies are decent fighters so only make it a $20 flier. Why not? 

Alateng vs. Rodrigues

I see Alateng at reasonable odds, I bet Alateng at reasonable odds. I feel like I’ve said that about him before. KISS. I’d like to think that Alateng would be one of the generals of Khan’s, “The Machine.” Because of this alone, he’s getting 5% of my betting money this weekend wagered on his ML. Where you at, Subutai? I think he’s selling wolf tickets.

Magomedov vs. Alves

I’m actually not going to spite bet here. Shocking, but true. It’s happening. I’m going to bet 5% of my money on the Abus TKO KO DQ. He’s finally adjusting to life off the juice box and I think this should be a gimme matchup (I know, Abus should never get that much trust, but I feel something). 

Vidal vs. Gatto

I regret nothing. Judge a book by its cover. Veronica Hardy is becoming too much like Dan. This fight will prove me right. 5% of my money on the androgynous folk ML (Vidal). Comfortable losing some pocket here.

Martinez vs. Nolan

5% of my scratch this Saturday on Nolan TKO KO DQ. I’ll look stupid, maybe. Who cares. Too long, too Australian. Martinez has some suspect opponents next to his name, as well.

Pinheiro vs. Hill

I hate that I didn’t capitalize on this line earlier. All the way down to a -142 for my sweet Angela ‘Not Over The’ Hill. 25% of my dough this weekend on Hill ML. That’s a tough lady. 

Yáñez vs. Salvador 

Make this another $20 flier. I think Yáñez is a product of easy matchups and a few shining moments. I think Salvador is the lesser fighter - don’t get me wrong - but like we saw last weekend this is a game. You have to play the game of MMA and I have this weird feeling Salvador has that game down more than Adrian. If he can weather the first round and establish kicking range it’s a solid bet. Watch the Yáñez TKO KO DQ bet be the top earner this Saturday. 

Gorimbo vs. Brahimaj 

I’m always going to bet on the recently homeless African weight bully going up against the guy who spams takedowns. Every day and twice on Sunday. Gorimbo was eating scraps off Colby’s table. The Rock gave him a house. Can this me my black Joe Pyfer? I think he can. The visuals are to visceral. 20% of my cash this weekend is on Gorimbo ML. 

Williams vs. Harris 

Carlston Harris has won me money plenty of times in my life. It’s why I find him inspiring. Sure, he’s let me down before, but I just can’t turn my back on my favorite fighter from Dagestan who isn’t Dagestani and has never been there. He’s from fucking Guayana. Find that on the map. He inspires me. To be that massive of a snoozer and not be Russian is something special. 25% of my money this card goes on Mocambique’s head in the form of his ML.

Barboza vs. Murphy 

This is probably too much money to put on him, but I’m going to because my amygdala is the size of a sesame seed. 10% of my dough on Barboza ML. We’re used to Lerone being the bigger man at 145 in most of his fights. Barboza, despite his lean figure, will be larger than Murphy. I also think Barboza will be slightly faster even though Murphy is younger. Speed comes with rhythm and the experience of Barboza is a whole samba. Next, I’m counting on Edson’s versatility in attacks along with his output. These are my reasons. The first round is going to be a tight asshole moment but I feel good now that I wrote out my thoughts. We see. 

P.S. Throw your life savings on Tyson Fury.

Petrino gave me a bath last weekend. As hot as that sounds to everyone, it was actually a traumatizing experience for me. These things happen. I’ve been through my fair share of pain, but watching Anthony Smith waltz around the octagon as if he still has “it” is about as low as I’ve ever gotten, truly. As low as it fucking gets. Petrino just wide-eyed coming to grips with the fact he is human. I cried a little. Man cry sometime. Not always tough guy. Probably the first negative feeling I’ve internalized in over a decade. But I won’t take my pain and force it on to my brother. No, I’ll fight the wheel that will ultimately crush me. We’ve got arguably the biggest whale of all time this week. My head is ready to go in the fan. This catch is pushing Diego Lopes numbers. Bigger probably. Big money on this card all around, really. I love my dirty fight nights. I love the dogs. Directed rage in STL. My makeup is smeared while I kick about on the linoleum bathroom. There’s still a notepad at my feet, don’t forget. And one of those cell phones from the store with the neon lights and loud music.

Aldrich vs. Hardy

Judge a book by its cover. You know what I mean? Judge a book by its cover. WMMA analysis. JJ Aldrich ML 5% of my cash.

Johnson vs. Hadley

Plus-aholic. Bark bark. Maybe 125 isn’t that bad of a weight class, I don’t know. I’m betting on the guy who has upset me before, badly. This guy surprised me with his professionalism and I have to give him the respect he deserves. Johnson The Professional. Johnson ML 10% of the bank roll.

Goff vs. Waters

Live dog. Absolutely barking off the collar. This whole card is just loaded with Mike Vick’s pups. Absolute chompers on ‘em. Goff ML 5% of the scratch. 

McKinney vs. Ribovics

I’m not going to stop, I already told you. T-Wrecks, man. Bark bark. I can’t believe this line, actually. Disrespect. I’m slamming a good 10% of my lana this weekend on McKinney ML. I don’t care about Ribovics…he’s Argentinian. I just don’t care what he has to do or say. 

Hooper vs. Borschev

This is just a gimmicky fight. Both of these guys have a scent of un-seriousness - especially Slava Clause (such a stupid fucking nickname). I probably won’t bet on this much but I like Borschev simply because Hooper is an American softy. Yeah, I’m also slightly addicted to guys with terrible nicknames. Regardless, Americans just don’t know how to deal with guys who grew up around human rights atrocities. If your parent’s combined gross income was above 75k/year USD growing up - don’t even look at me to pick you in a fight. Don’t even smell the same air as me. You’re gonna break with time. 

Cortes-Acosta vs. Despaigne

*Whale sounds.* *Continued.* *Continued.* *Men frantically pacing on a ship’s deck yelling commands.* *A massive shadow looms in the black mist.* *Cut to black.* This line is the definition of suspicious behavior by Vegas and…I don’t care at all. I don’t care that 97% of the public money has been on Despaigne. I don’t care that the line is still only -250 at the time of writing this (or so - all the lines have been jumpy this card) despite that fact. I don’t care that everything says there will be a curveball to this fight (look at me making puns involving fighter’s past). This line has been a catastrophe from the start (opened at -166 Despaigne) and I’m not taking a bath this week - even if it’s with Petrino. One of the biggest bets I’ve ever made. I’m ready to die ass out. This is a shit coin waiting to be pumped and dumped. You know this. No nacimos pa semilla. I’ll end up mangled in some Saab out in the Croatian countryside anyway. I know this, so my head goes in the fan. Despaigne ML+TKO/KO/DQ is 40% of my flesh. 

Caceres vs. Woodson

I don’t want to bet this fight but the line is too enticing. 5% on Caceres ML. I’m gonna regret just giving money away but at this point it’s kinda fun to lose money on Seans (especially the Martian man in his home town). 

Ferreira vs. Rebecki 

Can’t bet this fight seriously but I’ve been saying for a while that Rebecki gets heat checked. At a certain point, someone figures out how to time all those power shots and keeps range to beat him. Ferreira won’t do that but it’s worth $20 on his TKO/KO/DQ at +1100.

Menifield vs. Ulberg

Handsome squidward strikes again. I haven’t seen a reasonable line on Ulberg…ever, I think. I bet his TKO/KO/DQ with a bit of my money this Saturday. Menifield is good and he’s not dumb, but Ulberg has two weapons (calf kick and body kick) that I see causing problems in Menifield’s rhythm. It could easily be a decision win for Ulberg so I have parlays out there with him, Despaigne, and Lewis. Ulberg please don’t do this to me back to back weekends. I have my guys and it’s not fun seeing them lose.

Buckley vs. Ruziboev

I’m so nervous to write about this fight. Not because it’s an incredibly even contest, but because I think the emotions around this fight, regardless of the result, will leave me shitting my pants. Nursy, sweet, inbred prince. You captured my heart after you cheated and dismantled Sedriques Dumas. Rocking the funny hat and all. It’s pathetic but I put close to 10% of my money this card on you just because you’re a cheater and look like something that is close to being human, yet, so far away at the same time. I don’t care that Buckley is fighting in front of the hood in STL. That should tell you how strongly I feel about Ruziboev. Nursy becomes one of Ferguson’s own on Saturday. We’re on the outside looking in. Ruziboev ML 10%.

Lewis vs. Nascimento

Ridiculous line in a way. I’m only putting 15% of my money on Lewis as of now, but it certainly might be more come Saturday. I don’t get these lines and that does make me worried. This Saturday is the definition of bravery. It just is. Take me to deep oceans, I float anywhere, brotha. We go 1 on 1 I’m in the zone right now. This not smart for you, brotha.

We came back to earth last week and washed out. As soon as I was robbed in the Machado fight, I put out the Rat symbol and doubled down on Karine. Hand up. I was naughty. That being said, we’re not going to chase like that this weekend, we just can’t. PPVs are not the place to hound down speeding cars with ceramic brakes. Awful card betting wise but we can see about churning that cream into butter. We see, we see.

Costa vs. Borjas

I’m done betting flyweights for more than 5% of the flesh I have on the line any given night. Those little guy fights make no sense (as if anything in this sport does). Both when there is a stoppage or with the judging - chaos. Costa ML 5% of the bag via Chute Box class. I just don’t think Borjas has nailed down the “mixed” part of MMA. I’m a fucking mouth breather, too, so, buyer beware.

Bonfim vs. Pinchel

Odds are too insane to bet straight up on a guy who has been upset badly before (like other fighters this card). Not saying to bet on Pinchel but it’s either Bonfim or Pereira who stink it up this weekend. Pick your poison, I guess. Bonfim will be more motivate and I can’t handle how unserious Pereira is in the cage. 

Ruffy vs. Mullarkey

I’ve been waiting to fade this contender series prospect. Ruffy beat a good, physical opponent in the DWCS and everyone started creaming themselves. I think it was the other guy’s gas tank giving up on him once he wasn’t able to get Ruffy out there, more so than Ruffy’s skill, which won that fight. Sure, good counter boxing and shot selection by Ruffy. Still, Mullarkey is a zombie and you need to spark him or he will break you. Completely different fight from last year. This is a litmus test most young fighters can’t pass. I think Mullarkey gains more respect as the fight goes. Mullarkey 10% of the purse ML. Might regret not betting this more.

Silva vs. Klose 

Drakkar seems to have something wrong with him. I like that. You know I do. A loose screw plus a fairly safe fighting style will always beat whatever technique and daily affirmations or whatever bullshit you want to bring to the table. Silva doesn’t worry me with his BJJ against a guy as maniacal as Klose. 15% of my money this card goes on Klose ML.

Brenner vs. Orolbai

The oddsmakers dragged me back into betting this fight when I thought I was out. Michael and I talked at the lake. The Brenner disrespect is just too much. He’s got the experience and egomaniac profile you love to see. Expect to see him eat a cinder block and smile right back while doing so. Expect for him to get back up after a successful takedown - on rage alone. Yes, Orolbai appeals to my love for snoozers and Neolithic-era men from Eastern Europe, sure. He’s a beautiful specimen that pushes the boundaries of the human imagination, I hear you. Nonetheless, I have to throw ~10% of my cash on Brenner ML.

Shore vs. Brito

Baby whale, again. Time to get my heart broken somehow, again. There is some sort of mysticism tied to this whale. Brito confidently beat Diego Lopes back in the contender series. That should tell you everything you need to know. Don’t get me wrong, Jack Shore worries me in some ways. He’s got the experience and he’s tough. I just think Brito is la nueva generación. Brito ML and make it ~30% of your bank roll.

Parlay the next three fights: Borralho, Pereira (can be substituted with Bonfim), Petrino. The Favela Trifecta. Do it, my brudda. We can’t afford to lose. Yet, we’ve got nothing to lose. Oh, how could I almost forget, 15% of the bag on Petrino KO/TKO/DQ.

Martinez vs. Aldo

Brazil isn’t going to like how this fight ends. It could be nasty. I think Martinez reminds us why Aldo was retired. The head movement and speed aren’t there anymore and - to make matters worse - he’s facing a guy who won’t be on the back foot. Flashbacks to the Yan “fight.” Martinez ML takes up roughly 10% of my gambling gambles this weekend.

Pantoja vs. Erceg

I’m betting 5% of my skrilla this weekend on Pantoja ML. 5% and I still have a terrible feeling about it. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let the 125 pound division torment me with amazing fights that don’t go my way? On a Main Event, to make matters worse, where I usually shit down my leg. I’ve become stingy. I think I just believe in Pantoja’s daddy issues too much. That’s the honest to God answer. What? Did you expect some technical analysis like, “Pantoja will be able to have top control and keep the fight out of danger which I leads to a unanimous decision or submission”? You’ve come to the wrong place if you’re expecting that (but you probably know this, you’re smart, you think smart, think a little). Australian Michael Scott has power on his side, that’s why I’m hesitant. What keeps me confident is the fight experience from Pantoja (and the daddy issues). That’s why we still wade into the fire. I feel the love from the favelas. Also, if it goes to decision, I really do find it hard to believe the judges rob Brazilian fans [the idiot typed out while he was robbed in Mexico with Brandon Moreno]. It’s truly a gamble, but I’m half banking on corruption for the dub here. 

Some women opt to sleep or spend the day next to the bodies of their still borns after a miscarriage 

A mental practice of writing down our habits once we get threatened 

Finding rebellion without becoming gullible 

When everything is over priced 

Leaning on a wall inspiring synthetic love

Seeing an A+ on the big board becomes harder

It’s not just the anxiety of the piece of paper being found half way across the world 

Like shamone

Checked off all those little dreams of intransigence

The nerves catch on fire

Tearing off our own ears is the new joke at work before next month’s KPIs

Even then it’s hard to get lock-jawed

Just trying to enhance the pressure until there’s nothing new

Over sharing no longer in the realm of possibility 

Euphoric with the sight of seeing something emaciated at any level  

They started taking care of others just for the feeling of disgust 

It’s almost impossible to lose that fast ball

Eyes melting away the blotches of purity as more promises are made

Proving a point to an elusive master who stopped caring long ago

Cutting off a limb that has already drowned the corpse 

The plan is to blur out the entire body so that it’ll look better for the panel 

Someone has to cover the wages 

It’s an option that’s certainly been tabled

When it matters most they’re always off the mark

There hasn’t been a prospect like this next one in years 

Hovering like drones somewhere above watching

It all comes down to the taste of the masses 

A wet stone turning over for a new generation

There’s something to it all which will be better dead

Trust when some people just know where to look

To never being here again hopefully 

Even if there are sweet rumors of gentle weeping caused during an episode 

Washing away with time that nobody cared about

Vessels still attached by the ropes of the same sad stuff

At the next level it is all about how someone finishes plays

Put the scouts out hungry to sniff around 

Working it out to the 3rd degree is just wind without the right branches 

I need the comp. I can’t live without it. Deciding to always be on edge is liberation. How you do anything is how you do everything. My bets are the edge. Because those will take you to the promise land. How about that 300 portrait. Get the coffers open, bitch. 

Maheshate vs. Benitez 

I don’t know, man. Yeah, Lennox, I’m coming for you. I’m coming for you. Yeah. Kind of a bad fight. I like the experience on Benitez. I also don’t know if Maheshate is all that tough. Analysis. Not betting this fight but I think Benitez ML. I think a little, like, just a little. Take this guy to middle of ocean. 

Machado vs. Mayes

Hey guys, I know most of you are just employees, but have you ever seen a little baby sperm whale? Come closer and you’ll see this cute fucking guy. Yeah, get a good look at it. Our next whale. This one is Brazilian and throws more than 30 shots a round (unlike the other HWs who refuse to do a little more cardio) and might have legitimate mental issues. Talk about locker room head case. Machado just eats it and asks for more. Wallahi. I forgot to mention, he keeps the boxing straight and fast. Dreamy baby. Don’Tale shouldn’t be the easiest of outings but Machado ML 45% of the bank roll. 

Hubbard vs. Figlak

Going with UFC experience here again. I don’t like betting against polish guys but I think Hubbard is hard to break down. That’s always tough to face when you’re first coming into the UFC. We will see. I put like 5% of my bank roll for this fight on Hubbard ML.

Yahya vs. Henry

Yahya getting disrespected I think. Throw $20 on the old bat (not like Henry is young either). Yahya ML.

Means vs. Medic

I rewatched Orolbai and Medic recently. Brought me back to earth on my thoughts regarding Mykytek. He’s still a beautiful caveman, I just don’t know if I’ll be betting on him against Brenner. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. What I’m also saying is that with Means at +230, 5% of my money this weekend goes to fraud checking Medic. Means ML.

Pearce vs. Onama

Very close fight. I’m not going to bet on it but I think the underdog Onama pulls it out for the 816. Onama ML.

Lane vs. Diniz

Parlay any bet you’re making this weekend with Diniz. Diniz ML. 

Lipski vs. Silva

This is gonna be an ass kicking. My crush is going to get put on a ticket. 25% of my purse is on Karine Silva doing something very mean this Saturday night. Silva ML.

Spann vs. Guskov

I was wrong about Guskov. He looked really bad his first fight in the UFC then something has changed in his cardio. He’s been completely different. I’m betting Guskov and I could look stupid for doing so. Why? Because Spann has the reach, length, and speed advantage? Sure. However, Spann also has a considerable advantage in having donkey brains. That alone warrants the next 5% with Guskov ML. 

Nicolau vs. Perez 

I hate betting 125ers. It almost makes me nervous that I bet the last 15% of my bank roll on this card on Nicolau. Almost. I think Perez showed a lot of holes in his striking against Mokaev. Although he lost the fight due to wrestling, I think the boxing is an issue as well. Nicolau should be able to exploit this. That’s what I’m banking on. Nicolau ML. 

Here are the facts:

I’ve badly lost money the last 4 PPVs.

I’m betting the most money I’ve ever bet on an any card this weekend.

Diego Lopes is the architect of the rat race.  

What does that say for us? Yeah, we could be superstars. Or we can fall off spinning tops. 

Figuereido vs. Garbarandt 

I don’t have much money on the line for this one. We’re sticking to the strategy. We need the confetti to be our color so we’re only betting 3 fights big this card. 1 of them being a God bet. I think Figgy was heavy for 125 but that doesn’t mean he will be a true 135er. Cody - outside of his trailer park, fluoride water intellect and Dan Flashes apparel - seems to have become a reasonable, humble guy in his approach to training. I think his head movement and footwork is better than before (they have to be since he has no chin now). He will also always have crazy power. I like Garbarandt ML.

Green vs. Miller 

Jim Fucking Miller is too tough to bet against. Meanwhile, I still have PTSD from when Green KOed Dawson with a jab. Very conflicted here in terms of logic. They say not to gamble with your emotions but my baseline when I look at Bobby’s face is seething, boiling over, foaming at the mouth. Fuck it. Spite bet. Miller ML (not more than a band or two).

Turner vs. Moicano

There is actually a God bet before The God bet. Moicano is a man of God (and money, my brudda). He will show us what a true believer does. He is favored. Jalin Turner will find out. Anything is possible through the most high. A small lump sum of $150 on Moicano makes sense. Nothing crazy. He can take the punishment needed to close the distance. It’s a long shot but through God anything is possible. Moicano ML (sprinkle on the SUB). 

Yusuff vs. Lopes

Tunnel vision. I’m daydreaming in the teepee with tea leaves steaming. Wide-eyed Yusuff. Backpack, backpack! My line is holding on for dear life as I try to reel in this whale. I’ve been patiently waiting. Fuck it up, take the bitch to soak city. ~40% of my bankroll for this card is on the architect of the rat race. He’s electric, he’s a star in the making, however, most important to me, he is as bloodthirsty as they come. Diego just knows how to hurt. Money is what we’ve got right now before the economy finally collapses, so I’m gonna spend it. Maybe capitalism 2.0 is no capitalism at all. Maybe the almost 33% of billionaires who are trust fund babies get all of that money stripped away. Maybe Diego eats them alive. Lopes ML (I also like the 1st round SUB).

Kattar vs. Sterling

I’m not betting this fight but I see Kattar is +500 to get a TKO/KO/DQ. That sort of number glimmers in my eye. You gotta throw some mo’ on it. 

Prochazka vs. Rakic 

The battle for Europe is what they’re calling this fight. It has potential to be one of the best fights of the night considering the trash talk between these two - which not many expected (although it’s mainly just Rakic). Jiri was holding back tears at the mic when someone reminded him that he’s not an actual samurai. Poor guy is going to be an issue once the CTE kicks in (if it hasn’t already). Nevertheless, I like Prochazka to take the victory. Finally healed up and I actually think he will wrestle this fight. Just need to see how he handles those calf kicks. This fight accounts for like 10% of my bankroll this card. Prochazka ML.

Nickal vs. Brundage 

Life sure can take some unexpected turns in a short amount of time. You could find a new career, get sick of your soulmate, start mewing 8 hours a day, get brainwashed by a cult. Anything can change with the passing of the ages. I thought my hatred for Brundage was immovable until they matched him up against Mr. Humility (Bo Nickal). Nickal just brings out the anti-ginger agenda imbedded into all of our DNA. He’s such a cocky fuck who hasn’t been tested at all. As much as Brundage is a can and a quitter, I feel like he could give Nickal problems. They’ve always said Brundage is a world beater in the gym, maybe he finally shows it. That’s just how this sport works. Odds got as bad as +1400 for Brundage. I took him at that value and sprinkled on that 1st round Brundage SUB (+7000). Why not? It’s $10 to change a life.

Oliveira vs. Tsarukyan

“I am illuminated by God.” Yes, we’re here, the monetarily and culturally much more significant God bet of the night. The champion has a name - Charles ‘Du Bronx’ Oliveira. If Tony Ferguson got me into MMA, then Charles Oliveira made me stick around. The man just has an unbreakable aura around him. Rocking a yellow suit with the Cuban link. Boy if you don’t stop. I’m betting a pretty penny on Olives here. Yes, I’m betraying my deep, intense, passionate love for the Armenian people, but I just can’t turn my back on Charlie. I think Arman will easily take the first round, however, Oliveira will begin to grow in his striking and find the finish in the 2nd. Oliveira ML (this fight is like 25% of my bankroll). 

Gaethje vs. Holloway

Only putting $50 on Max this fight. I really just want to enjoy these two monsters before they find themselves out of the fight game and in the Hall of Fame. I hope nobody gets brutally KOed in a career defining way. I also don’t want another doctor stoppage like the 1st BMF title fight, which I can somehow see happening this time around with these two. Rumors are that Gaethje has been drinking and partying a ton during the last year. I’m banking on that causing him to gas out in the face of Max’s pressure. Those sort of lifestyle choices matter. Justin also said in an interview that he gets withdrawals when he stops smoking weed. If the Penjamin has you tweaking up at night all sweaty, you’re minced meat in my eyes. I’ve jotted down my notes. Holloway ML.

Zhang vs. Yiaonan

Here we are, the battle for the CCP. I have a theory this could be the best fight of the night simply due to scripting. If you are old enough to remember the 2008 Beijing Olympics, you’ll remember how memorable the opening ceremony was. The CCP know how to put on a show and I suspect they’ll do the same thing with this fight. It will be an odyssey. Perfectly choreographed for our entertainment with the necessary peaks and valleys of a great storyline. Thank you CCP for not only shaping and twisting the reality of your population, but now that of the western world. Weili ML but I would be lying if I said I didn’t bet Xiaonan +600 to win by TKO/KO/DQ. Something about Xiaonan’s new teeth inspires hope (also Weill couldn’t hang with Lemos on the feet which is worrying). 

Hill vs. Pereira

The last roughly 25% of my bankroll goes directly on the recently shaved and painted head of Poatan. Hill was doing so well during fight week by not creating any unnecessary bad blood between the two of them. Pereira was recently heartbroken by a femme fatale who turned out to be married. Jamahal was so close to finishing the week without motivating Alex more than he should and then he pulls the little stunt with the water bottle. Jamahal is so annoying he just couldn’t help himself. “He tried to act like a nice guy having me sign his jacket then he disrespected me - on Saturday I will make him pay,” Pereira said at the weigh-ins. I agree with him. In fact, all the fake nice guys of the world must pay. Just be a piece of shit in the open like me. There is just too much mysticism and power surrounding Alex. I can’t fade him. He’s going to steal Hill’s soul in the 2nd round once he’s maimed his calf with several kicks in the 1st. Pereira ML. Chama. 

A hiatus is coming because there’s more to squeeze. I have to set up all this shit. Cords and subscriptions and interfaces. Still, the math tells me I need to keep my pockets running with the damn MMA column. Los números no mienten. We won last week. Bi-winning. 

Argueta vs. Matsumoto

Dan’s crimson chin should give the UFC debutante fits. I like the vet with the EPO pace on this one. Not going to empty the clip, but a few hundo makes sense. Can’t forget where I’m at. Argueta ML.

Budka vs. Almeida 

I won’t be betting this fight big. Might squeeze in a late $25 bet for Almeida because I love anybody who has bested Alex Pereira in a striking competition. If Budka is smart, he won’t make this a war on the feet. I don’t know if he is that smart which means violence. There will be blood. Now that’s a war face. Let me see your war face…bullshit.

Dumont vs. de Randamie

This fight is going to somehow break my heart. My Norma bets have been so good the last 2 years. She’s a snoozer, she’s egoless, and she’s somehow still mean. She’s opened my eyes to the world. I want to back up the Brinks truck but I won’t. I don’t like these tough, Dutch kick boxers. Dumont ML but I’m not going overboard. 

McGee vs. Morono 

Terrible fight. This might be one of the most uninspiring matchups of all time. I hope Morono loses just for looking like an out of shape proud boy for the entirety of his UFC career. Should be a toss up for the bag of potatoes but the 40 year old could surprise. Staying away from this one, especially considering the Morono favoritism from the books. Just wanted to write about this fight because it truly is one of the worst televised events of the modern era. It’s the NBC sitcom of fights. 

Peek vs. Campbell

Sometimes it feels like it’s my world and everyone else is just living in it. My birthday is coming up and what does the UFC decide to gift me with? They indulge me with Trevor Peek and Diego Lopes in back to back cards. Peeky, Mr. Underbite, The Extra X-Factor. I imagine watching Mozart conduct or Anna Pavlova perform a set inspired the same feelings that watching Peeky throw an off-balance back-fist does. It’s poetry in motion. Witnessing as technique and composure fly out the window and are replaced by white, hot rage…it’s hard not to fall in love. I don’t think there is a man - throughout the entirety of history - at 155lbs who can knock out Trevor, simple as that. Because of his calloused, troglodyte skull, all of his fights become wars of atrophy. The opponents end up just breaking their hands and their own spirit. To make matters worse for themselves, despite T-Rev not knowing how to throw a punch, he has crazy KO power somehow. Special, special strength, I tell you. I think that my baby takes it this fight. Yes, he could get dismantled by simple footwork and speed, but I’m still going with my favorite mutant child at +150. Charlie is going to look in to the abyss. Peek ML (completely ready for the public embarrassment on this one). 

Walker vs. Brzeski

Polish power even if he’s toeing the line of type two diabetes. I just don’t like anybody in Johnny Walker’s blood line. Throw a couple dollars at the fatty (cautiously, he is like +250 for a reason). Brzeski ML.

Bahamondes vs. Giagos

I’m interested in seeing if Bahamondes has learned how to stuff a takedown since the summer. My thoughts are that he hasn’t. +275 for Giagos is just too tempting - especially knowing the holes in Bahamondes’ game. If you have $10 burning a hole in your pocket, you’ve come to the right place. Giagos ML.

Charriere vs. Marsical 

A French guy fighting a dude called “Chepe.” I can’t believe this is a pick ‘em. Mariscal is about as well-rounded a prospect as there is right now at 155. Yes, he lost to Trevor but if you rewatch that fight you’ll realize quickly who the better fighter truly is. Morgan won’t be able to handle the mix that Chepe is about to throw at him. Clean boxing and if he gets you in the clinch you’re going for a ride. I’m unloading the clip on Chepe here. I love the line. Mariscal ML.

Hernandez vs. Jackson 

Marc Montoya is that coach that looks at a fighter on a three fight losing streak with no technique or fight IQ and says to himself, “I can fix him.” I think he can fix Alexander Hernandez. Life has humbled him and Damon Jackson is an old bag. Hernandez ML.

Allen vs. Curtis

Brendan Allen was a baby when Chris Curtis knocked him out. He’s a man now. With worse tattoos but a man, nonetheless. On the other hand, I think Curtis is on the other side of the hill. So what? I’m betting Allen? No. I’m not going to bet this fight (I might parlay peanuts with Allen but nothing meaningful). The middleweight division makes no fucking sense and I’m not going to lose money on it anymore. Not that there is such a thing as MMA logic, but 185 just scrambles my donkey brains. Allen ML but I wouldn’t be surprised seeing low-output Curtis starch him somehow. 

EDIT: Trevor Peek lost to Chepe Mariscal. My infatuation for him just made me forget.

I can’t gamble on MMA and not write a blog about my bets, I guess. Something like ~20% on picks between 299 and Tybura vs. Tuivasa. Yeah, after the Rozenstruik/Gaziev banger we posted (went like 8-1 or 7-2), I’ve been getting cut up. The best thing we can do is stay the course, as always. Here’s the thing guys…

Loughran vs. Pacheco

He’s due for a win. Little red headed steroid freak. Loughran ML.  

Petroski vs. Malkoun

Don’t be afraid of the man who has practiced 1000 moves once, be afraid of the man who has practiced one move 1000 times. Malkoun ML but I’m not betting this fight. Just going to sit back and enjoy this great sport like a fan. I am a fan here, too. Not just chasing the dragon. But more on that shortly.

Aslan vs. Turkalj

I caught a whale recently and then it got slightly poked in the eye and the commission said I had to release it. Fuck you, Ange Loosa. Something told me in that moment of release - while Bryan Battle yelled like a psychopath in the background - that less is more. Like I said, I’m a fan here, at the end of the day. There’s a winner and a loser and I realize I know my winners. In the depths of my heart, I’m never wrong. I’ve gotten to the age I want the confetti to be my color every time. 10 fights, how about 5-6 fights? What about those fever dreams that wake me up every 2-3 months? Those all will remain. I just don’t need to have my hand in the pot for every bout. With just those that jump at me I’ll leave no doubt. I’m dumping on Aslan. Reward the Ottoman kid with 1 or 2 k. 

Buzukja vs. Matthews

The gym legend is the favorite in this fight, I like that for my money. Not going crazy here but I like Matthews’ ML. Atlantic City judges could be the death of me, however. 

Jandiroba vs. Godinez

What did I say about my baby Mokaev a few weeks ago? What did I say? I love a snoozer. This fight is a snooze in itself, but there will be money to be made. Dump dump dump. Godinez ML ignore the odds. 

Landwehr vs. Emmers

Emmers is younger and has better striking. This could be the fight that retires old Nate. I see all of those things, trust me. The writing is on the wall. I’ve been burned by some vets recently, too. Still, I can’t help but tap the button on Landwehr by decision here. A lot of time on the fence means the whoville resident wins. If he’s behind the black tape, bye-bye money. 

Njokuani vs. McKee 

This should be a kick boxing match. McKee needs a win or he will get cut. I like betting on guys with their backs up against the wall. He’s a bit faster and tougher than the older Njokuani, I think. I like McKee ML although we’re keeping it conservative.

Algeo vs. Nelson

I don’t know why the odds are disrespecting Nelson like this. Algeo seems to win most of his fights because of his opponent’s mistakes rather than his own skill. He also never looks bigger than anyone who steps in there with him. I think Nelson keeps it on the feet and lands the bigger shots. Nelson ML but I’m not betting this fight big either. 

Ruziboev vs. Dumas

Sedrique Dumas has such a great combination of appearance and namesake. Looks like he should be in the YSL trial and has the name of a French warlord. Just a shame he’s a bit of a woman batterer and mouth breather. Because he’s a fraud in my eyes, we’re peeling out the wallet on this fight for the chinstrap. I’m begging God Ruziboev comes out with a funny hat. I need to see him in one of those funny hats in order to properly cream my panties. Regardless of hat choice during walkout, backing up the truck for this one. Ruziboev ML.

Luque vs. Buckley

My last big bet of the night comes in the form of Vicente Luque. The man is still pure violence. It’s a close fight, don’t get me wrong. Buckley has looked clean and prepared his last couple fights. It doesn’t faze me. Hand in my face, blurred vision, struggling for balance. Doesn’t matter. Luque will have a higher output and that will make Buckley overextend himself. The result of that: Buckley will get caught. Luque ML.

Blanchfield vs. Fiorot

I won’t be betting this fight but Blanchfield should put us to sleep for the night with a dub. Oh, and Chris Weidman might win a fight before he retires. I can see that storyline being written. 

People love even more strongly after they’ve died

Three weeks is all that’s needed for magic  

Working best in the elbow with a double to kick 

An oasis never fades the stories to sweet water 

Everything starts to turn into emergencies 

Not lapping the party to save viewers from habits

Serving tonic with a detox 

A designer is in limerence but still in debt 

With hundreds in the seats unable to stand up 

There’s never enough real smiles flashing back

A splat now where there once was spirit 

Old risks for disassociating ahead of time

Bleed the concrete until it runs hot 

Never low enough to finally hit the lotto 

There’s tongues ready to desecrate a memory 

Raise your hand if it still feels slower each time 

Should be strolling out of the park pen 

Envying outside for the steam branching up

Weak hands shiver over more ng/mL

For the worst defect seen in a petri dish  

Making story time while waves crash closer

Nobody will play dumb just as well 

Toying with fire in the open while the wind blows

Defense turns to offense the longer the siege

Moral relativism here we go

Never got to meet Sosa the product

Y siempre te pones tan mojada, Faustina 

Es bonito mirar al sol

Tirar carreta con la doña 

While a poster boy is no one's winning eleven

I write like shit 

A slave in the colosseum 

Like some bad kids

Escondiendo notas con colegas

Saboreando algún recuerdo de esos

Going to that place to rag doll 

Tearing just to savor onwards in an Iron Maiden 

Decorando fragmentos de ángeles ciegos 

Los juegos más divinos 

Someone rang that bell 

Ni me tomo tiempo para editar

Scum compared to W. Blake

Bancame que tengo clase, che

Nada sube el cortisol 

Do me a favor I’m going to die quick

There’s a thelemite bastard 

No se puede looksmaxx en paz

"It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am."

- Muhammad Ali 

"Humility is the solid foundation of all virtues."

- Confucius

These two quotes perfectly capture the swing in emotions I experienced last Saturday when I went from starting 6-0 to finishing 6-4 on the night. Mexico doesn't deserve a performance institute. Brain broken fighters with unchecked egos. 

18-14 on the year. Stranded at 9% below our water mark of 2023. We keep hacking away. I'm not letting the lines scare me this weekend, so neither should you.

Al-Selwady vs. Radzhabov

A banger to start the card. Both of these guys posses the physical aspects needed to become top contenders in the very competitive lightweight division. Strong cardio, fairly big frames, power in both hands, good wrestling. I think Al-Selwady is the slightly better, more well rounded of the two. In addition, he's fighting for something much, much bigger than himself -- the people of Palestine. After watching him in the contender series, I think he's a great bet for a three round bout. He's always pressuring and has incessant takedowns (sort of reminds me of a bigger Merab). Al-Selwady ML. For Gaza.

Klein vs. Cunningham

Does Arkansas produce anything good in the world besides slutty sorority girls and a few hiking trails? Bill Clinton, the Walton family, Woo Pig Sooie? F tier state and AJ Cunningham is yet another terrible product to surface from it. I don't think Klein KOs him, however, and I find value in the O1.5 and O2.5 rounds. Klein ML, so, go ahead and spice up some parlays with him since that -900 is a bit steep.

Duncan vs. Ribeiro

I love the sadistic nature of UFC match makers. Poor Ribeiro. They go from pairing him up with one world class striker in Kopylov to pairing him with another world class striker in Duncan. In the Petrosyan fight, I was surprised by Duncan's takedown defense. Yes, he ultimately lost due to his inability to be taken down; nonetheless, he showed some solid scrambling which I can only imagine has improved since that fight. I think this will end in a vicious KO/TKO by Duncan who I see as a dark horse in the middleweight division. 

Zahabi vs. Basharat

Trap fight. Anyone betting Basharat to get the finish, go ahead and do yourself a favor and hedge out of that. The line is disrespectful with the -700 next to Basharat’s name. Let us not forget who Aiemann Zahabi's older brother is. Let us not forget what Mr. Firas Zahabi has done for the sport of mixed martial arts. I think this fight will be much closer than people think and I like the value in the O1.5 and O2.5 rounds. Zahabi ML?

Oliveira vs. Sopaj

I'm really excited for this fight to go down. Vinicius Oliveira comes from that line of Brazilian fighters who are born and bred to always look for the finish. Who doesn't love a good finish? I live to finish. Whenever I don't, I feel like there is something off in the cosmos. Sopaj, on the other hand, from what I've seen, could be something special. Albanian training out of Stockholm with a solid team backing him. He hasn't fought UFC caliber competition yet but you just never know with these new guys. I like Oliveira ML but buyer beware.

Anders vs. Pickett

Jamie Pickett shouldn't be in the UFC. On a four fight losing streak with losses to the likes of Josh Fremd and the little Daukus brother. Just cut his ass already. Stupid nickname too. In my eyes, Eryk Anders has finally been putting things together recently. Yes, he lost to Barriault and showed holes in his grappling game (which was surprising), however, I think he's peaking in terms of his fight IQ matching the physical abilities which we've always known about. Anders by TKO/KO. 

Schnell vs. Erceg

My honeymoon phase with Erceg was cut short by his decision win over Costa (robbery?). I use to think Erceg was the descendant of some schizophrenic, bloodthirsty, almost paranormal, British heathen ostracized to Australia in the 1800s. This idea fascinated me and I had high hopes for Astroboy. Now, I see Erceg for what he is: just a guy who looks like a math teacher. I have to bet on Schnell this fight considering how tough he is if you happen to let him hang around too long. Erceg wilted when he saw that he wasn't going to get Costa out of there early. The judges won't be there to bail him out this time, I think. Schnell ML.

Nurmagomedov vs. Almakhan

*Strickland voice* Here’s the thing you guys, Kazakhstani fighters are a bipolar breed. They fool you because most of them look like they just stepped out of a hyperbaric chamber which had been storing them since pre-historic times. You take one look at them and think, "surely this caveman will get the job done," and then they lose 29-28 on the scorecards. I got burned by Maksum, which means fate is setting me up to profit from Almakhan at +800, right? Umar Nurmagomedov is obviously a monster. His cousin is who his cousin is. I just can't bet favorites like that in MMA. I've watched some of Almakhan's fights. He has solid boxing. He's fast. I won't regret throwing some loose change at the boy. Almakhan survives over 1.5 rounds.

Perez vs. Mokaev

I see Mokaev, I bet Mokaev. I only bet significant amounts of money on two types of fighters: psychopathic egomaniacs with complete disregard for their health (Trevor Peek, Caio Borralho, Diego Lopes, Money Moicano) or absolute snoozers (Amir Albazi, Cumshot Chimaev, Movsar Evloev, Islam Makhachev). If you don't fit into one of these two categories, I want nothing to do with you. Mokaev is a snoozer which, honestly, in the last 6 months, I've started to prefer over the other group. If you want to put your face in the fan, that's fine with me, just be well-rounded for God's sake. Mokaev rarely puts himself in dangerous situations. You won't see him sit in the pocket if he is losing a fire fight. He's a gamer. Ultimately, this is the most dangerous game, but a game nonetheless. Mokaev has all of the tools needed to ensure a boring decision win in a three rounder. I also don't doubt his toughness after seeing him will himself to a victory against Filho after that brutal kneebar. I don't care about the line. Mokaev ML (there's also value in Mokaev by SUB or parlay him with Petrino). 

Petrino vs. Pedro

I think Petrino is next in the light heavy weight division. The guy is just too fast and too big to be fighting at 205 (especially the former, dude moves like a cat). If you look at the top 15, I don't think there's more than 3-4 guys who can beat him. It's a trash division and he's going to have a statement win this weekend. Tyson Pedro is good, don't get me wrong. The issue is he's at a disadvantage in 2 of the 3 most important aspects of standup fighting (speed and power), and I think this fight will solely be on the feet. Don't be surprised if it takes a whole year for Petrino to find anyone who is willing to fight him after this performance. Petrino TKO/KO.

Rozenstruik vs. Gaziev

Betting out of shape heavyweights is a great litmus test for knowing how out of hand someone's gambling addiction is. If someone is willing to wager more than $20 on one of these fights, they have a problem. With all that being said, I'm hammering 1.5 units on Rozenstruik at +170. There's nothing about Gaziev's resume that blows me away and I think the memory of Rozenstruik almost getting unalived by Francis is influencing bettors a bit too much. I don't think Gaziev is going to Jailton Almeida him and that means he will have moments of success on the feet. Bigi Boy ML (I will also be betting him by TKO/KO). 

Listen, Ocho,

I only do things one way: 

And that's the right way.

They know it.

I told them,

“I'm not going to fight you, 

I'm going to kill you.”

One of the main reasons for knee pain/instability is the underdevelopment of the tibialis anterior muscle. Because we no longer walk on all fours, this muscle isn’t activated regularly outside of explosive movements like sprinting, jumping, and tackling. Herein lies the genesis of the issue. Because it takes explosive positions to activate this muscle, the risk for injury or simple fatigue-overload of the muscle is quite high. Unless you’re some Dagestani wrestler crawling around the house on all fours during half the day, you’re likely not getting a constant stretch and manageable overload on the tibialis anterior muscle. Just find a wall, place your back flat on it, then put both your feet about 18 inches from the wall (or as far out as you can before your glutes become detached from the wall). Then hinge your back so your glutes are the only thing stuck on the wall while your feet are extended ahead of you. Lift your toes off the ground as high as you can. Control them as they go down in order to promote eccentric lengthening of the muscle. Do this until your leg begins to slightly shake then stop. Do 2-3 rounds of this exercise 2 times a week (or whenever you workout legs). 

Granny always said, 

“The wicked flee when nobody pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.” 

So I lit their little asses up.

Walked through those tall, oak doors,

Thanked them for throwing the rock and hiding the hand,

And dusted my own two, Ocho.

Just look at the last text I ever sent you.

Our memory can fail us, however, if we have a strong foundational understanding of our own contingency, we can better inform our future decision making, regardless of our capacity to remember past events. In turn, this ability to “place ourselves,” conditions us to foment a better basis for establishing peace, wellness, and personal fulfillment. We are better trained at circumventing the gamblers fallacy, Murphy’s law, and the hot-hand fallacy. This is also where the proverbial quote, "be curious, not judgmental" comes into play. Without approaching our past through a lens of hyper-intrigue, we risk falling into the same pitfalls (or much worse ones). Dissecting our own behavior and wringing it through intense, myriad of criticisms is essential, brutal, and oftentimes not achievable until full brain development. Someone who is well-versed in situating themselves within their own specific time-space continuum will have an easier time minimizing their own ego, understanding their own privilege, not falling prey to unhealthy impulsions, building long-lasting connections - the list goes on. Of course, it’s not easy to get to this place intellectually, as mentioned earlier. It takes an intense daily practice of humility and detachment to reach said plane of thought. It’s - in a way - a type of psychological self-flagellation with the recompense of serenity and self-reliance.

John Waters wouldn’t like ‘em, Ocho. 

Neither would Bell Hooks.

It’s like I told you when we were bowling alone, 

“If you’re always having to be the bigger man, you’re hanging around too many small people.”

And I’m way too big of a cat to be played with like a kitten.

You know it.

It’s easy to be a fascist when you think you’re on top.

I was recently keyed in on some top-secret information from a close acquaintance of mine who works in intelligence. Apparently, every year, close to 150,000 people go missing in order to pay for our sins. These people are usually vagrants, prostitutes, and young children. Individuals that the powers that be deem “disposable.” My source tells me that after 2010, the earth crossed over into an alternate dimension where the consequences of sin presented themselves at the communal level, instead of the personal level. If you’ll remember, there was a massive uptick in diseases and viruses around this time. Zika, H1N1, Ebola, MERS. After intense investigation, top physicists, mathematicians, and epidemiologists were completely stumped until a memo was produced by the CIA which demystified the whole phenomenon. Some engineers out of Palo Alto then manufactured these helmets which are tied to one of the generator’s at Disney World. The generator pulls all the sins of humanity in and funnels them down into the helmets. The “disposable” individuals wear the helmets for a total of 3 hours, which are split up into 18 manageable segments during the course of the day in order to mitigate casualties. At most, grown individuals can endure up to 18 months of “cleansing” (that’s what they call it), with the younger individuals usually only lasting 6 months. 

That’s why Unc went and printed all those flyovers. 

It cost a pretty penny but we flew them out.

She’s a “goer,” what can I say.

We’re trying to see if we can create a precedent for rebellion in W court.

They’ve got to come to the negotiation table.

Give me a 1st rounder for some pocket change.

Child please.

Aaron Bushnell (25), an active duty airman, self-immolated himself to death on the steps of the Israeli embassy in D.C. today in an act of protest against the genocide being propagated by the U.S. government in Gaza. This act of bravery, humanity, revolution, anarchism, and love will go down as one of the most important political acts of the 21st century. There isn't a single demonstration of protest in modern history that embodies the anti-imperialistic and anti-establishment sentiment more than Aaron's sacrifice (especially considering his active duty status). I'm inspired and awe-struck by the bravery shown by Bushnell in order to make a statement against injustice. Aaron, you are a hero, a martyr, and a light for change. An example for anyone and everyone looking to fight the machine. We will do our best to keep your memory alive. Nothing will ever besmirch your legacy, as much as they may try. Your sacrifice was not in vain. Even if the wheel ends up crushing us, we will throw ourselves onto it. For the future of our kids, for the future of humanity. RIP AARON BUSHNELL (1998-2024). 

Anera.org

Aunque me duela el alma, me borraré tu nombre 

Aunque me duela mucho, me olvidaré de ti (me talking about gambling)…

We’re in the biggest shit hole of Latin America thanks to Colombia slipping up in the last ten years by just the slightest bit. It was a tough contest between Brazil, Mexico, Colombia, Venezuela, Honduras, and El Salvador but we found a winner this last decade. Give it up for the narco infested, DEA funded cess pool that is Mexico City.

There’s four early winners for me: Naimov, Dos Santos, Ziam, and Chairez. Naimov - fighting shit competition. Dos Santos - looked great in his debut. Ziam - is fighting the biggest bjj bitch. Chairez - already beat this guy, fights like you owe his granny money, board shorts, leg kicks like a mule. All the odds are pretty markedly in favor of these four and I think that’s fine. 

Aguilar va. Mendonca

My first upset of the night, I think Aguilar gets it done. I think that they’re going to make sure he wins and Mendonca has pretty sub optimal fight IQ. I just think that it’s going to be one of those decisions amongst these smaller fighters that plays to the crowd. 

Quinonez vs. Barcelos

Quinonez thinks he’s mean and tough. I think this weekend he finds out what that actually looks like at 135. Barcelos is just a ghastly sight. He’s like Gilbert Burns and Josh Emmett rolled into a bantamweight. Orc who is just full of war. Barcelos decision. 

Torres vs. Duncan 

My second upset of the night here is Chris Duncan. He’s a Scot. He’s a fucking Scot. More technically put, I like betting on guys that have one shot power and can withstand tons of CTE due to their great athleticism. Duncan ML.

Rosas Jr. vs. Turcios

They yanked Turcios off the street. The kid has to win and I think he does. Rosas by submission. 

Zellhuber vs. Prado 

I guess Daniel Marcos isn’t a soft ass punk ass bitch? I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna go against another big favorite called Daniel. I just bet against these guys, you know the drill. Prado is like 10 inches shorter but I think he will make Daniel hurt. He’s not ready, none of those Daniel’s ever are. Prado ML.

Rodriguez vs. Ortega

Yair is so much fun to watch. His striking is arguably top five in the UFC. I think he wins this but don’t be surprise if he is tested heavily all five rounds. Hammering this but I’m prepared to go through hell and back during this fight. Rodriguez ML.

Moreno vs Royvall

I predict this could be a fight of the year nominee. There is not quit in either of these warriors and this fight is truly going to exhibit all of the elements of MMA. Show this fight to anyone who is getting into the sport because I promise it will be a slobber knocker. Royvall is incredibly technical but he lacks the pop which Brandon will bring. I think that the judges will play into the public’s hands and the W ends up under Moreno’s name. Setting up the previous champion for a rematch against Pantoja at the end of the year. I was thinking about 2024’s Christmas last June, too. 

Hay formas de reconfigurar el cerebro por medio de terapias cognitivas simples. Juegos básicos pueden poquito a poquito ir creando nuevas neuronas hasta en personas con traumas complejos. Diferentes tipos de ejercicios de respiración pueden sanar los pulmones de fumadores diarios. Daño que normalmente tomaría años para erradicar se puede solucionar en unos meses dependiendo la consistencia. Este verano en Japón van a empezar experimentos en humanos para crecer nuevos dientes en personas que ya han perdido los dos pares. Empezarán con niños que sufren de anodontia - y hay un gran optimismo sobre la eficacia de este nuevo tratamiento. Un estudio reciente de la Universidad de East London ha descubierto que realizar ciertos ejercicios aumentan la potencia del golpe de la mano de poder entre los boxeadores hasta un 24%. Durante siglos, la gente pensó que nacías con esta característica o no. El 24% es un aumento enorme, especialmente si se tiene en cuenta que solo se necesitan 5 PSI para noquear a alguien.

Y donde más no cabe un alma alli mete a darse caña 

Alright so basically, bro, peace out, bro

Tom Brady had the Buccanneers practice certain plays inside during their Super Bowl winning run because there were windows facing the training outside. Nobody else on the team thought of even doing that at their own home facility. Zhang Zongchang shot cannonballs into the sky as a sign of rebellion against his city’s rain god. It proceeded to rain the next day. I’ve started dreaming again, recently. It’s not easy for me to dream, but I have been. So, for this next birthday, just get the faraday bag, the empty vegan pill capsules, and the Pegasus 2.0 upgrade. Make it all easier. 

Es como si me pongo un casco que me deja penetrar la estratosfera sin quemarme la cabeza. Siento un calor como si estuviera crucificado. Me enciendo y casi ni recuerdo lo que pasa. Ahora que hay segunditos me voy frenando a solo dos mil. No hay tiempo para estas cosas. Pero me ofrezco el viajecito cada vez. Gracias por todo, en serio. Que nunca llegue un día de arrogancia. Ni tampoco un sin imaginar.

There’s more asses than stars, they say. I’d like to remind them that when they’re taking pictures of asses and stars, not to capture any trees. Trees are some of the most easily geo-locatable objects in the world. Even a few branches are enough to pinpoint you anywhere, anytime. Add to that some building or landscape and it’s only a matter of time before your coordinates are marked. Picking out stars and asses is a process predicated upon precaution. Think about that next time you go to Martha’s Vineyard. Maybe then there won’t be a nasty plant at your dinner reservation. A least think about it. Because what’s a player to do, if his favorite flavor is new. Candied durian. 

Cowboy o pirata? Yo me siento como quiero, con la carita de siempre. Como el bicho, siempre presente - ahí - para que se vea. Amigo, no se puede olvidar uno de ser feliz, de disfrutar del día, de hablar con la gente, compartir de la vida. Jaja si y no te olvides del bicho. Que siempre tienes que recordarte del bicho!

Una de mis vecinas cuando estaba creciendo fue una groupie de Rod Stewart durante los años ochenta. Ella y sus amigas todas tenían un tatuaje de un pez que supuestamente era en honra al rock n rollero. En las noches del verano cuando se habían tomado entre cuatro y cinco cartones de cervezas, se quitaban los brasieres y se ponían a nadar en la piscina con la música de Stewart retumbando. Más de una vez me vieron espiándoles desde el cuarto de mi hermano. Tenía solo diez años pero no les importaba. Nada les iba parar de bolear sus pechos gigantes de silicona por toda parte. En esos tiempos aprendí cómo celebrar de manera correcta. Que lástima que se divorcio de su esposo solo unos tres o cuatro años después de habernos movido a ese vecindario. Nunca supe por qué terminaron. Ella le dijo a mi hermano que presentía que su esposo era homosexual pero también oí qué el se quiso divorciar después de descubrir que era una stripper.

I recently made close to a thousand dollars by completing the NLP certification course for a friend of mine who didn't want to do it. He's middle management at a tech company, raised on public schooling, never really had any money to his name...I wanted to let him enjoy his new found success instead of boring/educating himself with NLP. NLP stands for neuro-linguistic programming's. According to their website, NLP is: 

"...a system of concepts and models from some of the greatest communicators the world has ever known, distilled into workable models, first by a small group of people at the University of Santa Cruz in the 1970s. Since then, millions have learned it and thousands have become NLP trainers, taking the original work to new levels."

They also define it as, "the study of the structure of subjective experience...[and] hypnosis." If I had to put my own definition to it, I would say that NLP is a manuscript on how to propagate auto-suggestive oppression amongst the proletariat. The system cloaks itself in intellectualism in order to soften the overhanging exploitative tactics. These pieces of shit think they can take animal magnetism and just defile it. Would recommend others crucify themselves like I did in order to save a friend. 

Outside of that, Kevin wasn’t instructed to do anything but sit. Earlier in the day, he was sent a video link from HR which showcased all the accoutrements available at the factory’s gym. By the looks of it, the gym has everything Kevin needs for his two workouts of the day. When 5:30PM hits, Kevin heads to training. Since it’s Monday, he’s doing plyometrics followed by stretching, red light therapy, and sauna time. Prior to starting, he drinks a quick protein shake, puts on his five finger toe shoes to enhance foot muscularity, and straps on his athletic performance monitor to track his training data. Today’s workout is all about enhancing pliability and increasing explosiveness (Kevin feels like his three cone shuttle drill time is dipping). He likes his body to be prepared for both longevity and performance. Thus, his workout routine breaks down in one of two categories: lifting in order to have a strong back and legs, or refining his motor skills and balance. While he’s half way through his workout, a sweet fragrance begins to fill the room. It’s this aroma with a bit of a vinegar smell which punches you quickly then fades. Visibly, Kevin could make out almost a mist laying over the room. Once it’s over, Kevin goes back and tears through the rest of his jump rope set - only slightly smelling the scent again towards the end of his time in the studio room (but not seeing it). Before leaving the plant, he takes a mild temperature shower with all natural shampoo plus body wash, and exfoliates with a personally tailored serum. It’s 7:17PM so time to hop on the electric bike and head home. As part of his nightly routine, Kevin drinks two smoothies (1 protein and fruit, 1 natural greens powder, cow liver, egg, and unpasteurized milk), spends some time researching investment options (fintech along with military defense have been strong this quarter), and finishes with reading some peer reviewed articles on a new coding language. Exactly 90 minutes before bed, he takes his daily dose of magnesium threonate in order to ensure quality rest and increase neuroplasticity. And before he closes his eyes, he applies some retinol cream on his cheeks in order to diminish some dark spots that are creeping up (the cream can’t be exposed to UV or fluorescent light). He sleeps on a Japanese futon next to a window directly facing east in order to best align his circadian rhythm. This was one of his two main requests when applying for an apartment at this complex. That his apartment have a window facing East, and that he be far away from the control room of the building. Bedtime is around 11:40PM with waking hours being around 6:40AM. Now it’s time for Kevin to sleep. Morning routine: sun time, electrolyte water while in cold plunge, first workout of the day (full body movement as instructed by Mike Chang), shower with mild temperature water, skin routine with salicylic acid, fruit smoothie with raw honey, a vitamin cocktail (vitamin K2, vitamin D3, boron, multivitamin, zinc) and, finally, a 18oz mushroom tea (made up of 14 different mushrooms, lemon juice, and water). The factory is only a mile and a half from his modern apartment complex. Another perfect day to take the electric bike and soak up some more natural Vitamin D. As soon as he walks through the main front doors at the factory, he is stopped. The receptionist hands him $200 with a smile. The laptop assigned to Kevin, contrary to the day before, has several instant messages waiting for him this morning. One of them is from Scott letting him know that he still has some paperwork to finish up. Kevin hadn’t met Scott yet but he seemed to be his immediate superior…[TO BE CONTINUED].

Gamble responsively. Why? Because weeks like last week will happen. The world will fall on your head when Charles Johnson decides to become the greatest, most awkward 135 pound boxer of all time. Oh, and don’t forget, Chuck Buffalo breaking my poor, little heart again. The damages have already been covered, don’t worry about me. 4-9 to kickoff the commencement of all instinct, shooting from the hip, roping and riding 2024 isn’t ideal but we will bounce back. 

Daniel Marcos vs. Aori Qileng

There’s something so punchable about a Daniel. I’ve said this before. Smug, condescending bastards is what they usually are. From the original one to now. “Oh, look at me, I can tame lions.” “Oh, look at me, my name means ‘God is my judge.’” “Oh, look at me, I can interpret dreams.” Attention seekers the lot of them. Daniel Marcos has gotten away with not fighting in his last three scheduled bouts due to some late pullouts. He’s been lucky, but the UFC isn’t going to let him be that lucky. They’re going to feed him to another pressure fighter with a chin. I like it. Aoriqileng is an underdog because Marcos has more versatility in his striking, but I think it won’t matter in the face of pressure. From the hip 2024. 

Fernie Garcia vs. Hyder Amil

Amil was scheduled to fight Baghdasaryan which should tell you what the UFC think about his talent level. They’re now feeding him Fernie…the -190 line is easily worth it. Amil is built like a Lego. All head. He also has insane wrestling pace. I like that combination over three rounds.

Zac Pauga vs. Bogdan Guskov

I won last week from an overweight heavy weight, I’ll take my chances again. Guskov fought cans in the Siberian tundra in front of a bunch of alcoholics. The odds are the odds. -125 Pauga.

Devin Clark vs. Marcin Prachnio

Brown bear wins because he’s the better MMA fighter and Prachnio has no fight IQ. The line is the line because they want your money. They want you to bet against the boring guy with the boring name. -250 Clark makes sense but you won’t find me near it because I don’t want to fall asleep while I bet.

Loma Lookboonmee vs. Bruna Brasil

Double LL hits so fucking hard. Muay Thai is wonderful. The roots, the culture, the training, the ideology. Brutal martial art and Double LL is one of the best. Hammer, hammer, hammer (I don’t care what the line is). 

Bolaji Oki vs. Timothy Cuamba

Oki is a big light weight while Cuamba was a guy struggling to make feather weight. Keep that in mind and add to it that Oki has been improving his wrestling. There’s some great MMA coming out of Central Europe (Belgium, Switzerland, Netherlands, France). Oki ML.

Trevin Giles vs. Carlos Prates 

I saw Prates in the contender series and that’s all I really had to do in terms of research to prep for this fight. Then, I watched his fights in Brazil. He’s not just on a streak, he’s on a war path. Giles makes sense as a match up just so the UFC can up Prates’ star. Prates ML.

Rodolfo Vieira vs. Armen Petrosyan

I’m going to forgive Armen for the late cancellation of his last fight with Vieira by once again gambling my money on him. Armen is just a better MMA fighter. Also, Armenian excellence, baby. 

Michael Johnson vs. Darrius Flowers 

I don’t care anymore, I rep STL. On the weekends, when nobody is watching, I disappear and travel to the Lou. A jazz piano plays while I chuckle about old memories and old regrets. The cycles of life. You are what you were. I can’t help but swing for the fences at Busch, at Kauffman, at Fenway. You are what you were and Michael Johnson is still a junkyard dog. As it ever was. I don’t care about the age, or the damage, give me the arch on my chest. Michael Johnson ML.

Brad Tavares vs. Gregory Rodrigues

Robocop! Robocop! Robocop! Tavares is a body builder, let’s face it. Working on your splits and super sets isn’t going to work when an orc is barreling straight at you relentlessly. An orc with ADCC championship level jiu-jitsu who, by the way, doesn’t want to use it because he just likes a slobberknocker that much. An orc who fought half a fight punch drunk, with his eye brow hanging off…that orc. Tavares works with a great camp but he won’t be able to handle robocop. Rodrigues TKO/KO.

Robert Bryczek vs. Ihor Potieria

I know people are hyping up Bryczek but my gut tells me Potieria because he’s so weird (both physically and stylistically). Potieria is an underdog so why not? Why not? 

Dan Ige vs. Andre Fili

I think this is going to be an incredibly close fight. I’m going to go with Ige because of the power factor but that’s it. I think Fili has sharpened his at-distance striking a lot in the last two years so that makes me nervous over 3 rounds. Ige is ok money but don’t be surprised if it goes to the judges and you end up sad. 

Jack Hermansson vs. Joe Pyfer

The Joe Pyfer hate is unwarranted. The guy was living in his car, have a heart. Just because Dana backs him doesn’t mean he’s an industry plant. I think Pyfer is the real deal in terms of both fighting a visually pleasing fight for judges and skill. He hits hard, we know that, but that’s not it with Pyfer. I think he’s a well rounded on the ground and that’s not going to bode well for Hermansson. This is 5 rounds and I just don’t see Jack having the gas tank to impose his style on Pyfer over 25 minutes. -250 is steep but I don’t see any other result. 

Estamos nadando. Esperando ver cuál nido de alegría se nos arrima próximo. Todos predispuestos a millones de diferentes configuraciones anatómicas. Con detalles de ruta prescritos en la concepción. Enredados en una honda de tecnológica e historia que nadie puede hacer cundir en paz. Nuestras almas rodando al último paradero. Con los muchísimos entre tiempos dentro de esta experiencia post-moderna del primer mundo. Hasta los más poderosos comprometidos en un jugo de ruleta rusa sin tiros en blanco.

Me tomo estos momentos pequeños para celebrar las buenas fortunas que se me han creado recientemente. Sin mucho verbo pero respirando un aire fresco. Bebiendo ron con las piernas colgadas fuera del bote. Satisfecho pero con un pesar colgado sobre mi cuerpo. Pesar porque ya no tengo a nadie con quien compartir estos momentos. Desde que tuve 16 años sabía que llegaría este día. Poquito a poquito me he desvanecido de las vidas de muchas personas. Por las razones privadas y por las que hay a plena vista. Yo también soy más que culpable por esta soledad - no es solo la falta de carácter de algunos personajes que me castiga con esta lejanía. Uno puede decir que se acostumbra con el tiempo al silencio pero siempre hay noches como esta. Durante los buenos tiempos ocurren. Me imagino como sería de diferente mi vida si tuviera la suerte de compartir estos triunfos con un amor o un amigo del alma. Pensamientos absurdos probablemente, pero se me ocurren mientras miro las señales de neón reflejados en mi fierro. 

No quiero ningunas segundas oportunidades pero pienso en la cara de ese amor. Como te cambie la sonrisa. Que pena como ocurrieron las cosas. Conociste a una réplica barata. Son malas cartas de la vida que no tienen justicia. Nunca faltó esa pasión que se me desembocaba pero no podía explicar. Llevaba esa misma vida doble que hoy me esposa a mi realidad. Con miedo de exponerte a la violencia al doblar la esquina. Ahora presiento que vives sin saber que hay algo más grande que ti. Por eso solo vale marchar adelante cuando el momento ya seque las palabras escritas. Se me hace más fácil detener el pozo agrio que llevo dentro con la propuesta de otro emprendimiento.

Marco el tiempo otra vez en cero. De nuevo me siento como una bola de cicatrices. Tan rápido paran de derramarse las botellas recién destapadas. Otra vez empiezo a despedazar un problema con la pequeña ayuda de un neurólogo de Yale, un siquiatra de la Ciudad de México y un luchador de Nebraska. Ya se me acaba el tiempo de sensibilidades. Lo que me da paz es saber que está siempre iba a ser mi vida. No puedo negar que soy un especialista. Los jefes con un nombre de letras me dijeron hace tiempo que la vida civil nunca estuvo en mis hojas de té. A la carga con la vanguardia dentro de este barril de crema. Préndanme la vela que llevo en la guantera que otro pinta calavera. Haciendo mis mejores intentos en preservar este bolsillo con unas cuantas semillas de sublime. Lo que no me falta es estupidez para seguir adelante. Bien programado en el arte del daño. 

PPVs taught me many things in 2023. It’s good to learn things. Like having to lose a little bit of money in order to pump more equity into war stocks. This can be a positive thing although I’m realizing I can’t reshuffle my “portfolio” without offending anymore. Those bombs would get dropped with or without my investment in Lockheed Martin. Hedging my morality if anything. Get serious. Hard times are coming, so looking to go back private around July. 

Dirty fight nights are back. This is where I belong. Las Vegas, early start, the apex, no-namers slugging it out. A lot of Eastern Europeans a lot of guys Uncle Dana is going to want to pump up the rankings. 

Thomas Petersen vs. Jamal Pogues

Heavy weights to start the night should be how every card starts. The fatter, the better. It sets a tone, I think. 95% of the time it ends with someone going limp and I think fighters warming up in the locker room watching on an 18” plasma screen pre-fight make a mental note of that. You’re going out there to kill or be killed. I like Pogues by TKO/KO. Trains with a better team, faster, should be fine on the ground if it goes there. 

Landon Quinones vs. Marquel Mederos

Staying away from betting big on this one although I like Mederos. Quinones has more UFC experience and needs a win so that worries me a bit. I think Marquel will be the better striker but Quinones might be the better athlete and grappler. Mederos ML at -150 or so makes sense.

JeongYeong Lee vs. Blake Bilder

Surprising line on this one. Bilder at +140 against a guy who hasn’t fought true UFC competition. Not to mention Bilder has better training partners. Semi-dumping on Bilder ML here. 

Charles Johnson vs. Azat Maksum

Qazaq, the first “if you don’t know, now you know” of the card. Maksum isn’t one of these guys who comes out of Eastern Europe without ever tasting defeat just because he fought plumbers and carpenters. No, this kid (29) has fought good competition on the regional scene. Relentless grappling if he thinks that’s what the fight needs, solid Muay Thai if he has the advantage. Charles Johnson on the other hand is just not very good. He looked fine against Mokaev then fell off. Maksum is worth the -235.

Molly McCann vs. Diana Belbita

Neither of these ladies are going anywhere in terms of progressing their mixed martial arts careers. This fight is so uninteresting that I think it will be a banger. Both of them are truly as desperate as you can get for a win. Neither of them can hurt other human beings. It’s September football when everything is so clunky but somehow hits the spot. Belbita ML is worth it. She might manage range on Meatball Molly and win on points.

Gilbert Urbina vs. Charles Radtke

Chuck Buffalo broke my heart when he dismantled Blood Diamond. I won’t let him break my heart this time. Urbina is rangier, lands at a higher clip, works out of a solid gym, has fought better competition. I’m dying on my sword in 2024. All gut like a monkfish. Urbina by points or TKO/KO.

Aliaskhab Khizriev vs. Makhmud Muradov

The second of Uncle Dana’s prospects from Eastern Europe. This guy has world class grappling. World class. Undefeated, short king. However, he’s fighting a seasoned vet in Muradov who towers over him by 5 inches. I’m parlaying Azat and Khizriev along with betting Khizriev to win in the first 3 minutes of round one (+900). The Wolf arrives. 

Randy Brown vs. Muslim Salikhov 

I’ve written about this fight, I believe, but it was cancelled. Salikhov has a shot to win via old man strength but I think Randy has been getting better at using his range. Rude Boy is quicker, longer, and younger. Worth the -290 if you want to parlay it with Shai Gilgeous Alexander over points/rebs/assists combo on any given night. 

Renato Moicano vs. Drew Dober 

Everything screams Money Moicano. Everything is telling me to do it so I’m going to do it. I’m tired of getting my heart broken betting on fighters I like and this might be yet another one of those occasions. I don’t think so but what if Drew Dover’s chin can somehow outlast Moican’s ring rust? Takedowns here and there in a three rounder could mean a lot. Moicano by TKO/KO. 

Roman Dolidze vs. Nassourdine Imavov

Roman Dolidze was born in the Soviet Union but his nationality is Georgian. What this means is that he grew up surrounded by war, or very close to it. On the other hand, Imavov’s family escaped war and moved to France. France isn’t necessarily tougher than war ridden and poverty torn Georgia. These things matter to me. What else matters is that I think Dolidze is the bigger fighter once they close the cage, with better grappling, and more power. His shots will land bigger than Imavov who isn’t known for his output or pressure. I think that weighs into the judges decision making if this does make the distance. +138 means I’m painted red and white this weekend with a Kaladze jersey tied around my waist. 

RIPee giP and Spice Mouth

2022 around this time let’s say

Spotted from Decatur to Figueroa

Appreciate so many people looking out for me, making sure I knew I was heart broken 

Thousand yard star, not stare 

I went home that night wanting to fight. You threatened some civilian so I went Elagabulus

I got lost, grew out some hair 

Neither of you heard anything until that dog stopped barking 

“For to be carnally minded is death…”

(Romans 8:6)

There’s a girl who works at a jewelry store in the next town over. It has the name of an Armenian man on the front in blue letters. She just started working. Full time, 10:00-19:00. She’s one of three front desk associates while the son of the owner sits in the back. The strip mall that the jewelry store sits on also holds a pawn shop and payday loans store. Because of this, the local police department have set up a 24 hour monitoring system with reporting capabilities. You’ll see these in places with vendors with high ticket items or areas with high crime rates. It’s pretty much a box on wheels with a long pole that has a camera at the end of it. You can press a blue button on it and report an incident happening, as well. It will even talk to you if you walk by it letting you know that it’s recording and there for your safety. 

In addition to the monitoring system, the local police have a couple of police officers who patrol the area from Friday through Monday. The young lady at the jewelry store has recently struck up a friendship with one of the police officers. It appears to be much more to him, however. He goes to her work station to bring her free food. He’s gotten her car detailed for her by one of his friends. Whenever he has the chance, he will show off his gear using his serious voice. Even to me he’s starting to look like a knight in shining armor who she should saddle up with. Unfortunately for him, from what I can tell, she is currently sleeping with 4-5 different men, one who seems to be the more serious boyfriend. She takes care of him because he hasn’t been able to hold a stable job since doing part time at a Jifi Lube. He just got out of jail six months ago. He did 18 months for an assault charge against his cousin who also happens to be the young lady at the jewelry store’s ex. 

I hear that she only thinks about the police officer as a friend. It makes sense, he’s Captain America. Always trying to act perfect and manly. She wants to get slapped around on a collar while getting spit on. I don’t mind the guy, but he’s too much of a square for her, or to even realize who she is. For instance, I really liked this one: she told him about how she likes to go watch street racing on the weekends and he replied, “you know those are illegal, right?” He then asked her to tell him where the next ones would be because he would go bust them up. God bless. 

They’ve gone out a few times to events where she’s with a group of friends. He’s been unable to create any sort of chemistry with her (or the group) and has even endured watching her dance with a random man in front of him. Not only that, she exchanged numbers with said random gentleman and slept with him later the next week in his car on an early, frigid Tuesday morning. Not that the police officer knows that, just context. He keeps blasting through red flags and, sadly, I think Captain America might’ve scrambled his brains somewhere along the way pretty badly. Perhaps it was her, or perhaps it was the dozens and dozens of other women who hated how fake-nice and fake-righteous he always came off as, but from what I have seen these last 5 days, he’s been stalking her around in his off-duty car. Just brain broken over runaround Sue, I guess. 

That’s not where it ends, either. Captain America has also started trailing her little boyfriend. Yeah, and here’s where it starts to actually heat up: he saw the boyfriend pick up a stripped Glock 43X and some sort of package from his other cousin who is the brother to the ex. Add to this that cuzzo has warrants out for him. How lucky is this cat? Within the first 60 hours of becoming a POI he’s already on film playing where he shouldn’t. A parole officers nightmare. Some guys just don’t have that flower. That was yesterday at around 18:30 and Captain America sets up shop at 20:15/30 outside old lady’s house. He’s the type of guy to get a warrant in less than 24 hours. The handoff happened broad day so I jump into jacktion.

I grab a bandana, buy some zip ties and a pint of Hennessey, connect a jacket to a drone manned from Texas, and cause work to be unsafe on a Thursday.

My gold blackberry buzzes 

I’m so spontaneous and came around on the perfect day 

I did them the same way I did you, almost

Then I watched using some binos from the playground nearby

Knowing that you’re all that 

It’s hard to tell when it kicks in 

From that day on, I was always in your system

Some people called me an Angel during those years

I miss being old reliable even if it meant what it did 

The chances of developing Parkinson’s are six times higher now. Although neurologists can’t attribute the initial diagnosis to more than disparate, over-active levels in the brain, there’s definite damage to the dopaminergic receptors. Many high-adrenaline events, drug abuse, and chronic depression are all key factors in determining this sort of wear and tear on these receptors. They’ll ask if you’ve ever seen combat like a G6. And the F is for F bomber.

Ya no le puedo explicar la situación. El remordimiento y la paz me castigan con este tipo de silencio. Musiquita de parranda fuerte le pongo para calmarle. La copa se me empieza escapar de los dedos fríos. Tengo los labios pidiendo remedio alguno. Todo bien ubicado en mi cuarto. Cada objeto en su lugar. Ahora ya no siento ese dolor tan agrio que me retorcía las entrañas al ver los morros de ropa. Cada prenda un fragmento de mis impulsividades. Recuerdo cuando me veía como la persona que le robo la inocencia a muchos. Ya no tanto. Pues ni se adonde estoy. Yo no soy nadie, ni nunca lo seré. En el futuro me matarán como un parásito. Cada viernes me mandan señales diciendo que me odian. El ritmo no cambia y voy manejando. Deben saber que me meo de la risa. Una rata en ruedas. Presa adicta al escape. Las personas como yo creo que se van evaporando cada día. Por una arrogancia que les previene ver muchas cosas. Perdiendo pedacitos de si mismos que no valen nada. Desmenuzados a un cadaver con una erección. Le digo que mañana tengo que ir al dentista para ver los resultados de los exámenes. Comentarios tímidos que no me llaman la atención. Mi nueva dieta me está funcionando lo bastante bien. Este fin de semana salgo con mis amigos ricos. Apostando la vida para que se sigan mordiendo los labios unas perras sin hogar. Lo más que cambian las cosas. Más solo hay que esperar y pegar un grito al abismo. Di un salto pensando en hoy. Quizás me lo merezco y es lo esperado. Lo dije hace años. Pagarían mucho por esto. Traigo un vallenato envenenado con mucha candela. 

How do you express that without just quietly parting ways. You don't. It's wrong to say, "we are a curse to ourselves, first mostly, and, next, to the world. Our game, our party, our furor, our arrogance, our exclusivity has driven us off the 'land.'  Who had more influence? You say it's me and I say it's you. But it switches. Don't you feel desperate about what we've made one another? Desperate because that's the right word. We are cynical, empty of novelty due to overstimulation, a freak show for most around us. If it weren't for our superficial qualities or charm, we would be true vagrants without a pot to piss in. Maybe one of us will get more sex more without the other. Maybe one of us will get more money without the other. Maybe one of us will get more clout without the other. Maybe we've killed all our hope and this is it. Now, with old age, that's all looming hard, and I don't like being with myself or you. I want to call it a retirement because it feels like someone has been calling my phone from a paid number telling me it's time.” You don't say that. So call tonight, The Dinner before us, one of the final hurrahs for this bond of glory and shame...[TO BE CONTINUED].

Both girls look up at the tall, arched ceiling transfixed. There’s something inspiring about their newfound delight. The brunette bites her bottom lip while the blonde tilts her head from side to side scanning the area. You can see the light dancing in their eyes. The brunette whips her head, looks at me, and says, “you didn’t have to say anything, and we just knew.” There’s a moment of silence and I can’t help but smile underneath my hand. There’s acne bumps growing on my chin due to my unkempt beard. “I ate too much.” “Yeah, me too.” The blonde has purple makeup smeared across her eyes up into her forehead. Time melts off the clocks as we look through each other admiring the scene. The girls start touching hands, tracing symbols into each other’s palms. The brunette begins to recite Macbeth which makes the blonde hum pirate shandies. A pattern forms in their movements. I slow them down by asking, “when was the last time you were happy being #2?” The blonde stares at me shocked by the question and that I would dare stop them in their tracks. “Us? We’ve never been #2…I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Fair enough. I don’t have the heart to tell her they’ve both definitely been #2 at some point before. I’m still being gentle. “Being #2 isn’t so bad…I’ve been jealous of #2 before. I badly overlooked how empowering being #2 could be when I was young. Had I not known, it could’ve been much worse.” They listen so I decide to stop talking. Before someone wants to try something, I stop my mental exercise. I hate being bored so I hand the brunette one of my canisters. I can’t let anything get too close. She shakes it next to her ear, lets out a little yelp, and drags the blonde with her to the next room behind the curtain. A few minutes go by and I can hear them struggling. These canisters can drag you into deep waters. “They’re going to bow out,” I think almost disappointed. There’s momentary peace, then blonde asks, “can we come back and show now?” “Sure,” I reply sluggishly. If they don’t come out just the right way, I’m not going to be very happy. I can have such an awful temper whenever things like this happen, I’m not sure why. I’m really not sure why. I get demanding. “Ok…1, 2, 3…” Both girls jump out from behind the curtain covering their faces. They shuffle over to me and joyfully ask, “now?” “Of course now.” Both their hands drop and I want to cry. Neither of them will ever be the same again. Their race to divinity now complete. Now, only now, can they face the glorious unveiling. I can barely keep my sight on them. They’re transformed before me into a masterpiece of shock. “Are you proud?”, they question with anticipation. I grab their tainted hands shaking and remain silent. I’m becoming light headed from the revelation. I’ll have to go far away from here after tonight. They say money talks, I’ll put gems on my gums. My conscience is exiled with this image. Carnal discoveries like this come with a price. Driving back to the complex with these two beauties collapsed. In the backseat twisted from the hours spent together. Finally speechless is what I am now. From just a casual night.