adyton punk

Lingerie for the public 

Get me sedated 

It’s worked before 

You can’t chase it

When you have 3 on roam

The question gets popped 

I called it being like this 

Says it’s hard to stay away 

She has no clue 

I predict these things 

Because I’m a student 

Things are better the second time 

But how it’s changed 

I just needed that test run

University learning curve partner

So check up on your fans

You should be showcased 

You’re really that bitch

Only when we play can I hold down 

Put us both in a cage 

Got out of your mind

Freak begging for a leash 

Also here’s some wings

It had to be me

First date

Pink choker

Put on a show 

Bite marks 

55 hours 

Confess it’s the best 

When it’s not here 

I’ll walk 

I wouldn’t beg for it

NFL PICKS 

Chiefs at Titans: The NFL is fickle, Jackson Mahomes is a doucher, the sky is blue, and good boys love their mothers. I’m glad that I’m starting this week's piece with some objectivity, God knows I’ve been missing it in my life. Curiously enough, I’m reaching God levels of delusion and that’s why I think the Chiefs win big on Sunday AND somehow manage to stop Tractorcito AKA King Henry AKA the scariest human being to ever run with a football (I think he wants both that rushing touchdown and rushing yards record *eye emoji*).

Washington at Packers: I STILL OWN YOU! I STILL FUCKING OWN YOU! @ anyone who feels like it. Something has gotten into Arod since week 1. It’s even changed me in a way. He’s still a surly bitch but maybe I’m starting to understand the depth of Mr. Rodgers. He’s more of a mad genius than I ever really realized. I heard all the pundits talk about the arm talent and the calls at the line and I would constantly draft him in fantasy. But still, I was obfuscated by his mumble grumble, I’m-too-cool-to-clean-my-own-ass vibe that I didn’t realize that he’s a goddamn lunatic who just loves making plays. Do I love Aaron? Perhaps. Perhaps now I’d kiss him a little…but  only if he plays his cards right. Packers by a touchdown. 

Bengals at Ravens: What did I say about Ravens at home? There’s just too much purple pride in the city of Baltimore, dammit. That being said, I like the Bungles this year. It hit me last week. I felt like things finally started humming for both that offense and defense. Burrow and Chase is an electric combination and the run defense is solid. The Sunday slate is sort of inconsequential this weekend if you look at it besides this game. I don’t think it will happen, but if the Bungles pull out the dub it’s time to start paying attention to the boys in dirty orange and black. Ravens by a field goal in what I think will be the game of the week. 

Panthers at Giants: Not that I would ever bet for them because, cmon, who do you think I am? But that’s definitely the last time I ever even slightly believe in the G Men. Not even for fun. I won’t do it. 2021 has taught us not to betray ourselves even in the slightest, am I right? Right? Fuck, I forget, whole lotta sang woos in this motherfucka (but obviously not you, you’re precious like Kang Sae-Byeok). Panthers behind Chubita win in a close one since I also can’t muster a morsel of faith in Darnold. 

Falcons at Dolphins: What Matt Ryan has always needed is a check down running back. He finally has that in Cordarelle Patterson who, by his own account, has always just needed a check down quarterback due to iffy hands. Also, is it time to start the Kyle Pitts/Calvin Johnson comparisons? ‘Tron might’ve been more powerful and heavier than Pitts but the young TE has undeniable raw athleticism and size. Yes, it was the Jets in London but I just can’t unsee the route running display. The Dolphins somehow managed to lose to the Jags even with Tua back in the lineup so I’m just gonna go ahead and call it as I see it: The Brian Flores Hot Seat Game. Falcons win and it’s officially head coach hunting season for the sea mammals. 

Jets at Patriots: I’m not sure Bill Belichick can lose in Foxboro against the Jets. Like, I feel as if time and matter would just warp into each other. The only way the Jets can make this competitive is by actually using their best players (the rookie RBs) but that’s just never been a real option for an organization like the NYJ. It just doesn’t add up, ya know. Patriots dub behind a Mac Jones who is looking better and better every week. Careful now, we’ve seen what Bill can do with a flabby QB with a strong arm and the will not to make bonehead throws…

Eagles at Raiders: I guess the Raiders are still good at football. Who knew that losing a bigoted coach would actually help a locker room. So weird. Anyways, Carr keeps making the right throws and even though the run game isn’t amazing, it gets the job done in terms of just moving the chains. On the other hand, Hurts keeps showing that he’s good enough to keep the green birds in close games. I’d like to see Miles Sanders get more work as I think it would add some flexibility to the offense but I just don’t see the coaching out in Philly buying into logic and reason anytime soon. Raiders pull out the victory at home. 

Lions at Rams: I feel for my man Swifty, I really, really do. His defense is dog water and his line still can’t get fully healthy but my guy keeps making head turning plays. Quietly one of the most exciting guys to watch after the catch and in the open field. Revenge game for Goff who will be waking up once again on his native west coast. Ya know, where the sun rises. Little draft day joke. Rams by many, many points. Sorry, Coach Campbell. 

Bears at Buccaneers: I mean, what can we really say here. Tom is the front runner for the MVP. Playoff Lenny is regular season Lenny. Justin Shields is going to die being a bear. Hey, I guess, pay attention to Khalil Herbert. He had an exciting game last week and showed a lot of wiggle and lightning. Oh, and the Bears defense is sort of good, I guess. They still lose, so, Pirates by ten or more. 

Texans at Cardinals: Yikes the Texans, yikes. This one will be a colossal rag dolling. The Cards are gonna put a gimp suit on the Texans and walk them around the neighborhood. The Adyton called these red hot Cards, not to brag or whatever. I think Deandre goes for two bucks if he’s even real anymore. Big cards win.

Colts at 49ers: The Colts are a mirage. They’re a goddamn fever dream that is making people think that they actually know anything about play calling. Wentz is going to disintegrate whenever Nick Bosa gets to him. And he’s gonna get to him. He’ll getcha. 49ers and El Deebo give sense to the world and win by 4 or more. 

Saints at Seahawks: Sean Payton after a bye week and Geno Smith starting…that’s all you need to know. I think the Saints get Alvin all the touches he deserves and finally realize what the true center of the offense is. 12th man won’t be enough this week. Saints by three. 

Thank you Tyson Fury for helping me from a distance these last two weeks. Thank you to you, too. I appreciate it. Sports are going on this weekend. Oh yeah, they are but first a quick note to the Gypsy King. Not only am I thankful, I’m proud of you, Mr. Fury. Your life story is a testament to love and the great heights men can climb, despite facing brutal valleys. 

NFL PICKS

Dolphins at Jaguars (London Game): We love giving the Brits these games. I want to say gross but it’s so gross that it might be good. It’s going to be football, just not from two necessarily in-form teams. There will be competition and I’ll be watching. So gross it’s beautiful. Nothing is bad, just misunderstood. Dolphins because I think their secondary shows heart. 

Vikings at Panthers: The Vikings have been weirdly competitive this year. JJ is always open. I don’t think it means I trust Kirk but it’s definitely a situation to monitor. They put up points. The Panthers were ugly last week. It felt like it was coming. With CMC out again, I don’t know how I could bet against the boys from Minnesota. I say it with my hands in my pockets looking at the ground but Vikings by three. 

Chargers at Ravens: Lamar is undeniably a rush to watch. He’s just a big play. On the other hand, Herbie continues to make the right plays at the right time. Reminds me of Tom in a way. I think it’s just too tough to get a win in Baltimore. Last week proved that. Ravens dub. 

Rams at Giants: I feel for Saquon, that was just unfortunate. I hope it’s something minor and that he comes back at 100%. The injury was just happenstance but I do feel like he’s being rushed back. Rams are going to roll them but, you know how things are, it will be close. I just feel like going coast to coast and the weather and Stafford’s finger...am I feel an upset? I’ll go with the big favorites. 

Texans at Colts: Fuck it I think Mills could be good. He hasn’t really blinked. Colts can’t be trusted with the play calling. Texans claw out a win.

Chiefs at Washington: Yay, another NFC East team to soothe our egos. Chiefs by 7 but this isn’t looking good.

Packers at Bears: Rodgers loves playing in the Windy City. Da Bears don’t shake him. An easy 27-33 290 yards 3 touchdown game on the way. Packers winners. Yes. 

Bengals at Lions: I wanna get swifty, yeeeeah, cmon and gets swifty. Coach Campbell might have ptsd but I think he can coach a football team. Lions beat the bungles.

Cardinals at Browns: The Browns are without Nick Chubb and I feel like the defense is showing some weakness. Cardinals have made some moves getting Ertz. I think that the organization as a whole is full of confidence. Birds win by a touchdown. 

Cowboys at Patriots: This game comes down to which Patriots team shows up. Against the Bucs they showed a lot of tenacity but other weeks they fall flat. I can see the Cowboys losing just because I can’t take them seriously, no matter how well they play. My gut tells me that the Patriots will win this one. It’s Foxborough. 

Raiders at Broncos: Finally the world caught up to the fact that Jon Gruden is an asshole. I’m not surprised by any of it. Broncos might be without Bridgewater but I still trust that run game and front 4. Broncos put the nail in the coffin of the Raiders hype train.

Seahawks at Steelers: Geno Smith is at the helm for the Sayowks this weekend. Last week I feel like I saw some consistency out of Ben. I think people want to bury him too soon. Him and Tomlin can figure things out and Najee is great. Steelers by a couple of points. 

Bills at Titans: Josh Allen is a force of nature. He’s improved so much since his rookie season. McDermott has known exactly how to utilize him. On the other hand, it’s beginning to be Tractorcito season. I could see the Titans making this a close ball game but the most likely situation is that the Bills stomp them. 

It’s just a moment he tells me

Get yourself together 

We know you’re such a great guy

Please keep tabs on it

Monitor the progress 

Toxic waste this side of the Mississippi 

There's a lot of ducking

So who's getting bamboozled 

It’s a tonic 

But I don’t want a moment

It might rid me

No bad, just lack of understanding and love

I’m playing

I’m all play

I just know what I can do

Forget about them 

Because there’s chaos

But no hurt for you

She doesn’t talk to me anymore 

And neither does she 

And neither will she 

Don’t give me any moments 

Oh no

I’ll put them in flower beds

Hold on 

Let me be light 

I knew this would happen

I get off the plane 

Run into him

I act like I didn’t 

Flower beds

C’mere

Sugar in water

Reminding myself

No control

I’m mermaid hair 

I go to the bar 

She says she’s obsessed

Is this the home you want

Soft petals

But killed before 

Just projects to project 

Spiral 

Do my ancestors feel it

Beauty for all my twilights 

What’s wrong 

Be still 

The floodgates are open 

We have no control 

Go to class 

Do your job 

I love it for you

I’m going to Cairo

Student God

Wake up early 

Wellness culture 

Red or blue 

Can’t handle when I turn it up 

I got both

I’ll get put on a cross someday

For my last 24

I’m just in perspective

Some say I wasn’t before

Who am I to disagree 

Adele said go easy on me

Last night was weird 

The Chiefs are losing to the Chargers. Real Madrid is losing to Sheriff Tiraspol. A Brazilian jiu jitsu coach tried to throw on me because I was dancing good. I traded away Najee Harris for Jonathan Taylor 10 days ago. You know me, uh, I'm, uh, just suicidal right now. Oh, and Ole is going to SHIT all over Ronaldo's time at Manchester United, mark my words. Low rent manager. 

NFL PICKS

Titans at Jets: I've walked all around MetLife stadium in East Rutherford, NJ. I got to sit in the boxes where all the VPs from wall street drink. I've walked on the turf. I've see the locker rooms with all the gatorade and the equipment. It ruined my day. Titans run the ball 100 times and win 20-3. 

Lions at Bears: Who did Matt Nagy suck? He had to - at one point - in the last 3 years suck someone. His mouth has been somewhere, at some point, with the direct stipulation being that he would keep his job. I don't know. It just doesn't make sense. How much money has this guy lost the Bears? Count it up and tell me if it adds up to Matt Nagy visored up going down on somebody. Anyways, I think the Lions win. I don't know. They're the Lions. I don't bet on those types of franchises. 

Colts at Dolphins: Speaking of barnyard animals that should've been fired many years ago, who the fuck is play calling for the Colts? I don't even think the Colts have come up once on Redzone this year. It's sad but, lucky for them, they face the Dolphins who are banged up and not looking good at all on offense. It's a toss up in Miami but I think the Colts win. 

Browns at Vikings: Myles Garrett was born in some QBs backfield. I think he gets to Kirk like nobody has this season. Too much talk about how Kirk can be that guy, he's not. I think the Browns play tough football and there's no solution to that. Browns win narrowly.

Washington at Falcons: This is going to be an ugly game. Quarterback play is subpar on both sides. Run game is subpar on both sides. I think Washington's defense makes the difference. Chase Young is a special talent. WFL win by more than 6. 

Texans at Bills: Beat down of the week right here. The Texans are one step away from getting sent to the CFL. Might as well just trade Deshaun for whatever and get on with life. The Bills are a wagon and Josh Allen didn't forget how to throw downfield. Bills by a ton.

Giants at Saints: Ok, so I think that the Giants could actually give the Saints a game. The Saints don't have an identity from what I've seen and the Giants kind of have a QB in Daniel Jones. Don't forget that Saquon can always turn one loose for 60 yards and you might see my point. DOG OF THE WEEK. 

Chiefs at Eagles: I don't even want to say, really. Last week was tough to watch. So many penalties, such bad tackling and coverage. Fuck it, I'm throwing the tape out and trusting Mahomes with my little heart. Let's eat some green birds this weekend. 

Panthers at Cowboys: Cowboys have a playoff caliber team. They don't have the same sharpness as the 49ers, Bucs, Rams, or Seahawks but they're officially good. Nothing more, nothing less. I think this is a competitive game despite CMC being out a couple of weeks. Cowboys win by a field goal. 

Seahawks at 49ers: It was fun to watch last weeks game at Levi stadium. It had been a while. There's something about that place that is so cool on SNF. This game is going to show the 49ers exactly how far they can go with Jimmy G. Last week was the perfect example of what I believe to be the truth: Jimmy G can compete in the big games, but he can't win them. He's not talented enough to draw out victories against other elite QBs. Seahawks win in a close one.

Cardinals at Rams: The Rams are scary with Stafford and that defense. You blink and the next thing you see is a Cooper Kupp drag route going all the way for six. Kyler is playing at monster levels, I just don't think he will have a solution for Donald. Add to this the fact that D-Hop will have Jalen shadowing him, and it's going to be a grueling day for Kyler. If he can find the answers, that will be a big statement to what he can do this year. Rams win this high scoring affair.

Steelers at Packers: So the more Aaron Rodgers looks like a white trash dude who lives off Velveeta and Miller Lite, the more he plays like a God. I've stopped trying to figure this dude out. Maybe Shailene is good for him. On the other side, I'm getting sad watching Ben. That line is awful, and just watching his skinny little legs try to hold up his fridge-like upper half is ruining my Sunday's. Packers stomp the yard. 

Ravens at Broncos: Ravens looked shaky in the second half against the Lions. I think it's more a product of the boredom that the Ravens offense induces. Even Lamar felt like taking a nap. I think these Broncos will wake their ass up in what's going to be a gritty game in Denver. I can see the Broncos upsetting the Ravens.

Buccaneers at Patriots: Brady versus Belichick. The Homecoming. The master and the student. All the narratives are coming out on this one. I don't think it will be a close game, so I'm not too interested. I think Tom kicks the hell out of the Pats and then acts like he didn't mean to. Bucs by a lot. 

Raiders at Chargers: Ok, jigs up. Time for the Raiders to go back to being bad because this is getting weird. It's like Jon Gruden was finally able to download his brain into Derek Carr. I don't like it. City's like Oakland and Las Vegas don't deserve good football teams. I play but, no, seriously, this is getting odd. They can get to opposing QBs and they keep their QB clean in the pocket. That's the recipe for success. Nonetheless, I'm going to say that Herbie pulls out a win in beautiful LA. Not that it would make me happy to see the Chargers be good (which this sort of win certainly does) but whatever.