The Guest had met The Hosts at the apartment complex’s pool earlier in the summer. It was the fall now. They shared cigarettes and had a couple of beers in the communal area a few times since meeting, however, tonight, they had a private dinner. The official seal of friendship, a quaint, home cooked meal in the hearth of a strangers home. The Guest, a simpleton in his mid 20s, rung the door bell and announced his lackluster arrival. The Hosts, two bisexual men in their early 30s with an affinity for good steaks and rare wines swung open the door with eyes beaming. It’s started. Time to exchange pleasantries, catch up on each other’s days, offer seats in the home, express compliments and admiration over things seen. Simply marinate in the moment of anticipation. The night is upon us. The Guest is new to Los Angeles and eager to make a connection with what seem to be chic, stylish, well-connected individuals. He’s like every bright eyed boy from the Midwest who knows way too much about way too many celebrities. The Hosts are unimpressed snobs who love to talk shit because, well, everything has just been so boring lately. So tacky. So over it. Can you blame them? That's why they've gotten to the point of only being able to enjoy the most visceral, physical joys of life such as the aforementioned steaks and wines. More about their idiosyncrasies later. We see The Hosts put on some music videos, offer the Guest an aperitif (they say it that way and comment on how it opens the appetite, yes, I know), and ask The Guest if he would like to take some personality exams. Ya know, just for fun. While Host 1 leans over to offer The Host an iPhone with the enneagram test, Host 2 excuses himself to go sharpen the knives…[TO BE CONTINUED]
The couple is looking to have a nice easy breakfast, relax at the pool, pack, and head back to reality early tomorrow. It’s a beautiful, dry, hot day in Las Vegas, just like the day before and the day before, but now it doesn’t feel as daunting. The derangement and perceived social decay on the strip doesn’t seem as hard on the eyes. The couple walks through the hotel’s casino when they are suddenly stopped by a large, stunningly handsome man wearing an ascot. He has streaks of grey in the sides of his black hair, a perfect tan, a slight Spanish accent, and chameleon-like eyes that seem to always stare into the depths of your mouth. He tells the couple that he works for Caesars Resorts and was asked to wave them down upon seeing them. “Is this about the extra Caesar’s points?” asks Reggie. Megan looks befuddled. “What points?” she thinks to herself. “Erm, yes, also, I’d like to apologize if Mr. Miocci unsettled you by stopping by so late. He had a long day yesterday and his duties got ahead of him,” replies the handsome man with a slightly angry tone. “While we are on the subject…” the beautiful man takes a pause, breathes deeply trying to control his apparent distaste for the situation, “what exactly did Mr. Miocci say to you about the additional points? I just want to make sure all the information provided was correct.” The man takes a big gulp and flashes a crooked smile while his lips slightly curl and jump from his face. “He just said to ask around about some additional rewards points or something,” Reggie says. “That’s it?” The man brushes a bead of sweat from his head, “that’s all he said?” The man's veins tingled off the side of his temple. “Uh, yeah, that’s it, why?” Reggie asks. “Oh, no reason, we just wanted to double check. Like I said, Mr. Miocci endured a tough day yesterday. Oh, and the name is Tom, Tom Rog.” The man shook both their hands and then pointed towards the lobby’s check in counter. He told them to follow him and find out more about…[TO BE CONTINUED]
NFL PICKS
Saints at Titans: It’s time to start talking about coach Vrabel as a top 5 HC in the league. To go from losing King Henry to beating the fucking Rams all within a week should be attributed to nothing else besides great coaching. Fundamentals, fundamentals, fundamentals. Just like Kobe taught us. The Saints are hard to watch without Brees. Alvin is that guy but he just can’t find that many pockets of greatness due to defenses keying in on him. To make matters worse, it’s Alvin who looks like he won’t play this weekend, so, yeah, Titans win by a tuddy.
Bills at Jets: The Bills are a goddamn joke after what happened last week and this league is a horror show in terms of guessing results. Talk about parity for Christ sake. Even if I have trust issues towards the Bills, I think they have to pull out a win. Right? *looks to the skies* RIGHT!? It’s the Jets…who knows, I certainly don’t anymore. Final push of the season should be a madhouse business. Bills win in a blowout but I can’t trust them, just saying.
Lions at Steelers: I think this is the upset matchup of the week. Punch me in the mouth please but all I see is: over confident Steelers at home against the lowly Lions who are still winless but coming off a bye. I don’t think the Lions are as bad as their record says and there’s something that tells me they come out of the bye week looking for some competition. I’ve also been saying this, so, yeah im a moron. I don’t know. I just have this feeling that these Lions just want to compete. The Steelers are without a couple of pieces and I feel like they get caught lacking. I’m going against everything that I know about myself and my own sense of intellect here, Lions by three.
Jaguars at Colts: Urban is officially part of bro folklore forever. The guy just keeps pulling these little rabbits out of the hat and they all seem to magnify coach Meyer’s success in having a complete lack of shame. Last week saved him his job this season and continued to grow the trust his boys have in him. The Jags are bad and they’ll lose this week, but be careful with Sacksonville in the near future.
Buccaneers at Washington: Both teams coming off a bye. The only way this game is competitive is if the FedEx field curse hits Tom. The play in the secondary will get better for the Bucs and I see them easily handling the WFT. Not much to this one.
Browns at Patriots: I want to say that Mayfield goes off for over 300 yards and three all purpose touchdowns. I want to say that so badly, but I can’t. Baker has fire and he’s got moxie and I’m sure the Odell thing has pissed him off. That being said, he’s not that guy in terms of just lighting the scoreboard on fire. He knows how to sit behind a great run game but he isn’t the guy to go pull a win out of the jowls of defeat. He’s not going to drive down the field with a minute left and get you those much needed clutch points. Not going to happen. I think the Pats frustrate the Browns run game in what should be a pretty ugly contest. Patriots by three.
Falcons at Cowboys: I’m really so over myself, the NFL, and everything. What the hell happened to the Boys last week against the Broncos? And how did people around me know that upset was coming? Two or three people close to me said it would be a trap game and fuck my socks off it was. I think the Cowboys bounce back even if the Falcons offense looks sharp, regardless of how frail Marty Ice looks. Can’t lie they have a lot of wrinkles in that game plan. Ultimately, I think the Cowboys just need to feed Zeke. Yes, Dak is sharp and electric in certain instances but Mr. Elliott is a generational talent. Cowboys by ten.
Panthers at Cardinals: Colt! God he’s still around, how great is that? Kyler hot seat? Always funny to make that joke ha ha ha. But seriously, the Cards are scary, scary. I wonder who called this happening at the beginning of the season. Yes, yes, let me brag a little. I love me. CMC was back and couldn’t put a band aid over Darnold’s lack of accuracy and gall. All I see is another blowout for the Cardinals who continue to put heads on their mantlepiece.
Vikings at Chargers: These Vikes, these goddamn Vikes. Can you tell my love for this team is growing and it makes zero sense. I just like how they make every game a toss up yet find a way to lose them by a field goal. It’s vintage, it’s classic Vikes, and I like it. This looks to be another competitive matchup with plenty of points that ends with Kirk and Co. losing in heart breaking fashion. The Chargers are weird, I don’t know how to rate them at all. Mike Williams has slowed down, Herbie is kinda getting figured out, and young Ekey only pops fantasy wise. I’m gonna get crazy here and say these damn Vikes LOSE by 3.
Seahawks at Packers: Russ could be playing which is a big relief, I was so over Geno Smith. So over all of it, really. Eye roll. What I’m not over is how much of a dickhead Rodgers is. Not over it. Handed me a big L last week in fantasy because of his absence and I take that personally. I fully expect him to come out and throw for 450 and 4 scores. I won’t take anything less, I just won’t. I’m very demanding, you know this. Packers win in dominant fashion. I like the secondary, too, so, yeah, I’m a cheesehead for this one.
Eagles at Broncos: So the Broncos lose a HoF caliber defensive player and then come out and put the clamps on the Boys? That’s sports. You know the locker room was looking to dump bodies after hearing all the hate from the media. I like the Broncos in this one because of that exact reason. They’re nasty and they’re feeling belittled. Nothing has been easy this season for them and I think they want to make others taste that medicine. Eagles run game is nonexistent and I doubt Hurts is able to make it happen this week. It’s just too predictable. Broncos by a touchdown.
Chiefs at Raiders: It’s time to hit the panic button. It’s been time to hit it (heheh hit it) I just didn’t want to believe it. I can’t wrap my head around how a guy who has thrown for over 50 touchdowns, has won an MVP, and a Super Bowl is all of the sudden just spiraling into mediocrity. I guess it’s true what they say, be careful who you surround yourself with. Not that I listen but still. Yes, I have no idea about his personal life, really, and I’m truly talking out of my ass, but am I wrong to point to that as the source of his failure? I don’t think so. Marriage changes people. A kid changes people. It can either propel you into growth or thrust you back into complacency. Sadly, I think the latter is happening. I have bad feelings around this matchup in Sin City. I think the Raiders run it down our throats (lmao) and we have no answer for it. We just take it (ok I’m done). I’m just being pessimistic to avoid any jinxing. That’s it.
Rams at 49ers: I think both of these teams feel touched up. Like a fight that leaves you wondering why you even exist. Is it just for the pain? Both have lost to the Cards, both are coming off a tough L, both are looking at Green Bay as the next big threat. What I’m saying is that these teams are feeling vulnerable and insecure. It’s going to be a rocking game but I see the Rams pulling out the dub. I believed in Jimmy G for half a game and look what happened. I’ll never fall for that beautiful face again. Rams by a tuddy.
UFC 268: USMAN VS. COVINGTON
Yes, fuck me, I know, I didn’t write about 267 last week and it was a banging card. I’ve been moving at another speed this last month and *big sigh* I can’t keep up with myself. I am the crack that things keep slipping through. Pity me but don’t pity me. You feel? I just can’t complain.
A little recap of 267 is merited. Chimaev said he wanted to kill everyone and it looks like he will at 170. He’s had ONE significant strike landed on him since making his debut in the UFC. In that time he’s stopped 4 opponents all within the first round. Those are absurd metrics that we’ve never seen before. Makhachev reminded the world why the last minute bets on Hooker were absolute nonsense. Ragdolled him and submitted the Hangman in the 2nd round. Only top 5 guys for Islam now, please. I’ve been saying it all year, this guy needs a title shot by next summer. Allah Akbar. Next, Yan and Sandhagen had themselves a proper stand and bang fest. Sounds kinda hot, wink. But yes, the pressure Yan puts forward is monstrous. You could hit the guy with an aluminum bat and he would just walk through that shit. Not to mention his boxing and takedown defense are as beautiful as an original Rembrandt. Because I’ve seen one of those. The sweeps, the blocking, I just wanna kiss him. Muah to you, you crazy, Russian king of the Bantamweight division. Really let my emotions go there I guess. And lastly, Jan found out that Polish power has no answers for Brazilian torque. Maybe he forgot that Glover is from the land of the anacondas, the deep amazons, the Minas Gerais. Mr. Glover Teixeira, a man over 40 years of age, used his old man strength to constrict and tighten around Blachowicz. Anacondas are beautiful.. A wondrous submission in the second round to finally give Glover that LHW title he’s so badly been pining after. Living legend and he’s fought the toughest of the baddest of the gnarliest.
Now, for some UFC 268 preview talk we will start out with the people’s main event: Justin Gaethje versus Michael Chandler. Someone’s getting KTFO. That’s all there is to it. These guys are the epitome of, “well, the worst he can do is knock me out, so yeah, I’ll fight whenever.” Absolute junk yard dogs the both of them. They keep talking about which one of the two will take a step back and it just makes me so excited. I can totally see these two just plodding in the middle of the octagon and exchanging until someone’s lights go out. Fuck the wrestling, fuck the distance, they’re just gonna let those hands go. Really, really hard to pick a winner but I think Gaethje gets the job done as long as he stays patient. Whitman has been drilling that mindset into the highlight reel and I think it’s what marks the difference in this fight. Respect to Chandler but I think he still has some growing to do in the UFC. It’s just a different level of competition. Gaethje by TKO. Frankie Edgar and Marlon Vera face off to see who will end up fighting TJ or Aldo. That’s my best guess even though this division is stacked and still getting sorted out with the Yan and Sterling rematch. I think Marlon carefully pieces Frankie apart. I think Frankie has too much stacked against him. He was knocked out recently in brutal fashion and he’s now reached the 40 year milestone. I like Marlon in this one by decision. “I’m the best, I’m the best.” Fuck it gives me chills thinking about Thug Rose hyping herself up before landing that overhead kick on Zhang Weili. So unpredictable, so technical. Just a masterpiece. Unfortunately, I think Zhang Weili is gonna need that belt back. We forget how imposing and dominant Zhang Weili.
was in all of her fights prior to losing. I think she will smother Thug Rose early and prevent her from being explosive. She will take her into the championship rounds and finish her. Hate that that’s my gut feeling but it is. Love you, Rose. Lastly, my god, it’s finally here, there has been talks of ducking, crazy talks of respect — THE NIGERIAN NIGHTMARE AND CHAOS REMATCH! I’m gonna shit my pants, seriously. These guys despise each other and I can’t help falling victim to Colby’s attention grabbing antics. The Bang Energy plugs, the EPO accusations, the payroll girls all around him, it’s just great entertainment. I think that, weirdly enough, these guys will be more ferocious the second time around fighting. As incredible as that first fight was, I think this will be more violent. They’re gonna come out ready to put each other in the grave and I think that’s exactly what will happen. Someone is going to come out too fired up and they will get caught. My heart says Colby but my mind says Usman. Gonna have to go with my mind and Trevor Whitman’s pupil — Usman by KO.
NFL PICKS
Raiders at Giants: Might as well open up with this matchup considering all the tragedy that surrounds it. Not even three weeks after the Raiders and that “piece of shit” Gruden part ways, Henry Ruggs goes out and kills a woman of 23 years of age while driving drunk at 156mph. Fuck me, life is sad. Even with all the opportunities and resources that an NFL player has at their disposal, some still find ways to hurt others in the most avoidable fashion. Get an Uber, call a friend, sleep it off, just don’t drive. Tragic and avoidable. The Raiders still pull out the win. I like this interim head coach. There’s something about special teams guys that gets the boys out of their seats.
Falcons at Saints: Jameis is out for the year. ACLs are a joke of a ligament. I haven’t had one now for 6 months and I feel like I can zip a few out on the gridiron. I'm playing, I’m a little bitch. Falcons are also going through a bit of a horror show themselves with Ridley’s mental health struggles. All the love and respect for him while he goes through this journey. Just hope he finds what he’s looking for mentally. Saints run the ball 30 times and win in a close one.
Bills at Jaguars: Oh wow, I really wonder how this one goes. It would be fun to see the Jags put up a fight but I doubt it, seriously heheh. Bills wreck the Jags badly.
Browns at Bengals: OBJ is a fraaaaud. Capital F, fraud. I think they’ll just cut him. Too much IG, too little hands. The Bengals are weird this year. They can be the best team in the league whenever they turn it on, but it seems like they can’t control that. It’s one of those teams that just needs that last little mental piece. Bengals win in what I think will be a narrowly disputed contest.
Patriots at Panthers: Pats defense baby. It’s coming alive in terms of the front 4. Bill is bringing the pressure as always. Coaching matters so much in the NFL. Panthers could come alive with CMC back in the mix although who knows if that happens. Hamstring injuries are tough. Patriots get the dub.
Broncos at Cowboys: I can’t believe in the Broncos offense. With the loss of Von Miller on defense, it just seems like things will only get sloppier. Cowboys should rest Dak because this shouldn’t be that tough of a matchup. Boys win by a touchdown plus.
Vikings at Ravens: Both teams fresh off a bye. Ravens went ahead and pooped themselves against the Bengals. Hit me like a bus. Vikings can battle it out with the best of them. I like that. Lamar is a winner so don’t worry about him still pulling out the win.
Texans at Dolphins: Does a deal get locked up in south beach? Will the FBI be there to mediate? Questions. Bad defenses. Mills is aight. I guess I was right. Tua is always banged up. You’re either hurt or injured in this league. I think Dolphins pull a dub out in what could be a nice little game if both offenses can keep the chains moving.
Chargers at Eagles: Birds make this a game. I just wanted to write that but perhaps. Jalen just finds solutions. I still believe in the Chargers and Herbie fully loaded. True king of LA. Chargers by 3.
Packers at Chiefs: Rodgers, just like that, huh? I was just buying in. You thought the greaser look gave you an edge, now look at you. I can’t take myself seriously. JRE is reaching our beloved NFL. We need a therapy group for reeling ex fans. Hard realities. Rodgers, you're still a great football player and person. What do I know. Chiefs win… Chiefs win. Great.
Cardinals at 49ers: Garoppolo put it all out there for the team. Good, tough runs from inside the red zone for some tubs. Goddamn, Jimmy. I’m seeing something in you. Cards sputtered against the Pack but that will only embolden Kyler. That’s my feeling. He’s still fragile but his playmaking is so high end. Cardinals win. That’s all I can tell.
Titans at Rams: Sad faces everywhere because King Henry won’t be able to set records. Don’t worry, King, we know you’re all time. Cold player. He will bounce back. Rams have a bottomless pit of money. Stan Kroenke the great. Rams are clear NFC from runners if you ask me. Coopito. Rams win by 10.
Bears at Steelers: Bears defense is right there. Right fucking there. High level. The Steelers are making it work on the ground. Would not recommend trading Najee early in the season in fantasy. You’d have to be a real dummy, right? Like just mud pie for brains. Like shoot them in the head dumb. Steelers win in the Iron City.
The emotion overflowed through X1 that work day. X1 almost vibrated off of the face of the plane. Yesterday X1 was fine with another sentient creature being on the work field. The first X2 seemed to fit into the plan. He had all the same makeup as X1. Yes, some differences here and there, but, nevertheless, X2’s presence helped X1 find a sort of fortitude in the work. With the second X2 the work was now something different. Something that was disingenuous to a degree that transferred through all natural waves. It now felt as if more than the mass between the two X2s was holding X1 down. Their unity, that bond that struck them together as the same made X1 emotional. X1 wanted to stop themself from thinking about the new X2 while working. At the end of the day, the work was the reason they were all there. Nonetheless, as the day finished, X1 knew there was a tinge of change in their own movements and paths. X1 felt the alterations in their own performance. Little gestures. Brush strokes. More perfection here, less attention to detail there. X1 was changing. The emotion, oh, the emotion. Luckily, the work had been carried out. The plough roughed up the soil for the hours allotted from above. The end of the work day buzzed. They split off to go power down. X1 alone and X2 with X2. While getting ready to power down X1 felt a pressure in their body. They strained and gasped and tossed around due to the intensity of the propulsion. Something was bursting out from inside of X1. X1 pushed and pushed then…[TO BE CONTINUED]