Fuck it, I’d be mad too. You’re here and they’re here and it’s gone. There’s less mystery to all of it than we’d like to admit. We’ve dressed these things up, a select few have worn them, and now there’s nakedness. The barn floor you were born on matters less. The experiences slapped on to yourself matter less. The color you’ve recklessly spilled or mousily plopped down matters less. Dress it back up or don’t, who cares. There’s no therapy session or meditative state or salvation here to tear you from you. Inspiring until it makes you heave. My March madness and inner wrestle mania went down hard. I preferred things on the sweeter side. A lychee slush to chase. Then it came up to embalm me for what’s left and yet. She crawled into that bedroom with a knife between her smiling teeth. We're all meant for each other as Travis says. You was who you was before you got here as the Jiggaman says. I felt that final seasonal cratering ages ago now. It stapled me away from you. I've talked so much about how what goes in always goes out. No more words on the topic. You should know, you bought it. There’s no reason to be upset if one can’t relate to two. But you’re mad and I would be too.
Took a bit of a break to reel in my thoughts and emotions on everything going on recently. I feel vulnerable and lost and drunk with delusion. Facing harsh realities that will only bury me the more I pursue the things I want. I feel like taking all of my work and giving it to someone else once it’s out there. The closer the production gets to the vision, the closer I feel to danger. The wave that is building is massive, so here’s some sports.
UFC 265
Derrick Lewis is fighting. That’s all. That’s all that needs to be said in order to create some attention. Why? Because if Derrick Lewis is fighting, someone is getting sparked unconscious. He has the most KOs at heavyweight and he’s fighting in front of his home crowd in Houston. I think ‘The Black Beast’ finds a home for his right hand somewhere in the 2nd or 3rd round and he shuts off Gane’s lights. Gane is very young, very technical, however, Lewis is just too damn big. Everyone ends up getting caught. Next, Jose Aldo fights Pedro Munhoz in a fight that puts him one step closer to yet another shot at the bantamweight title. Aldo admits that he bit off more than he could chew by going straight for Yan and I think he’s right. He wasn’t ready at all for Yan’s boxing and sweeps. Aldo’s now going to have 3 fights at bantamweight against top guys which I think will be enough experience for him to challenge the winner of the Aljamain/Yan rematch. Aldo wins by decision. Michael Chiesa at welterweight has been working great for him. He was dangerous at 155, but there’s something about him at 170 that makes it that much more dangerous to make a joke about his mom. Nonetheless, I think Vicente Luque starches him. Luque took some huge shots from Tyron Woodley and kept coming forward. I doubt Chiesa can bring it like that. Luque stops Chiesa early.
NFL
Preseason games have kicked off. I feel the hat on hat football in my veins. There’s something so special about American football for me. I didn’t grow up watching it, but by the time I was a freshman in high school, I was obsessed. I loved the culture of the teams and fans. I loved how structured everything looked on the sidelines. Like the teams were getting ready to go to war. I loved how different coaches approached their goal of winning. I think fantasy football fanned the flame but the result was always going to be the same. I was always destined to drown myself away in beer and wings on Monday, Thursday, and Sunday while men in pads hit each other. Enough romanticizing, here are my picks to win the divisions:
AFC North - This division has really picked itself up in terms of competition over the last 3 years. The Browns aren’t the Browns anymore, the Bengals will have a healthy Joe Burrow, while the Ravens and Steelers seem to be at the same level as last year. I think this is perhaps the toughest division in the league. I’m never that convinced by anything the Browns or Baker do, so I see the Ravens clinching top spot.
AFC South - This division just feels weird. Carson Wentz is a Colt and already hurt. The Texans are some sort of cult that is adamant on not giving their franchise QB any help. The Jaguars picked Trevor Lawrence and brought in Urban Meyer. Coach Marrone will serve better on the defensive end but I’m still not sure what to think about the Jaguars. They’re young and inexperienced which can always end up being exciting. Then there’s the Titans who are actually pretty good and have a hell of a head coach. They’ve only gotten better this off-season and with the inclusion of Don Julio I think they carry the division.
AFC West - Another super-competitive division that has only gotten better since last year. Justin Herbert looked great as a rookie and will surely build on that. The Raiders were a gritty team last year that has had more time to mesh with their style of play. The Broncos, despite having a whirlwind of problems at QB, are always a tough team to play. They can run the rock and play tough defense. Finally, the Chiefs should remain a sort of gold standard for how a team should perform offensively. That’s really all that has to be said about them. I think the Chiefs win the division but with more problems than we would initially expect.
AFC East - The Jets are going to suck but not that much. I think Robert Saleh is the type of guy that can bring some clarity to that organization. The Patriots are in a weird spot when it comes to quarterbacks. They drafted Mac Jones but still have Cam Newton and Stidham. I don’t think that there will be an easy answer to that dilemma which will be highly detrimental to the Patriots season. Bill the GM needs to be validated badly. The Bills are good at football and they scare me as a Chiefs fan. They scare me a lot. The Dolphins should continue to grow on the solid foundation they gave themselves last year with coach Flores and Tua. The Bills steamroll the division.
NFC North - Stafford is gone, Rodgers is back, Kirk Cousins won’t get vaccinated, and Matt Nagy still looks like an asshole with that visor on. I’m officially calling this the most boring division. All I see are 3 mediocre to bad teams and the Packers. I think surly Mr. Rodgers backpacks his team to the playoffs only to crash out once they face real competition. Oh and I do hope Justin Fields is fun to watch but I doubt it.
NFC South - I think the Panthers will be good. I don’t know. Sam Darnold’s head doesn’t look as big and I think that having CMC will really help him. I also think coach Rhule is a tough guy to game plan against and the locker room loves him. The Falcons won’t be good because well Matt Ryan (I just think he’s the worst). I’m not sure what the hell the Saints are going to do at QB but I’m sure Sean Payton will find some way to win. And the Bucs have pretty much the same team as last year so I expect them to win the division.
NFC West - I think the Cardinals are my sleeper super bowl pick. Kyler is electric and they’ve gotten him some more pieces to work with. That being said, I also think the 49ers are set to have a bigger year than most expect. Coach Shanahan flat out knows how scheme up running plays. He’s also got a new QB and I actually think that excites him. He will be able to just program his offense into a fresh mind. The Seahawks will be competitive because of Russ but I do wonder if this is the year he finally gets over that hump and truly performs week-in-week-out as an MVP. I’m not sure if he’s there yet. Last year he just fell off a cliff around week 9. It’s worrying. Finally, the Rams look scary as shit. Something about McVay whispering football sorcery into Stafford’s ear while he slings it under the beautiful California sun makes me very nervous and, yet, very happy. I don’t know, this is an insanely competitive division but the Cardinals win it.
NFC East - Saved the best for last. So much to talk about in this division, aside from how terrible it is. Saquon is back. Lazy eye Doug Pederson is gone from Philly. Fitzpatrick still has a job and Dak is healthy. It definitely won’t be boring but it also won’t be pretty. Cowboys win the division going 9-8.
SOCCER
The French league starts tomorrow and Messi isn’t going back to Barcelona. This summer transfer window has been intensely monotonous at times and then just a rush at others. Messi’s saga is the perfectly strange finale to it all. It’s odd how nothing happened in regards to Mbappe, Haaland, Kane, Cristiano, or Neymar but in the last few weeks, something happened with the Barcelona legend. I really never thought he would leave his home. This all feels so out of the blue. I think he ends up in Paris and that’s about all I can predict. It should create shockwaves in the sport which will result in other transfers occurring. Wishful thinking.
People and shepherd dogs don’t mix. It’s fine. I see the carcass with the irregular heartbeat and the overflowing cortisol calories. Some people don’t deserve it and won’t feel it like the bulls from the mountains. That’s all they hope. I’ll give every bit of myself with delusional euphoria, too. Show you my day to day if you desire. The show has no curtains. Criticism replaced by action. The next 24 more consistent than the last. It’ll change your fucking life, Molly with the body. I’ll be there. Ill be there on the avenue with hands full of flesh. I’ll be there for the ones that are unknowing. The pain of the light will scar. Let them rise up and be true without the lames tugging at their shirts. Because I was once on the other side. Hating a gameboard that was following me out of my nature. Forget living in a life commandeered by unoriginal sirens. You’ll drop the weight along with me. I’m only just an angel. Saved you from losing your golden hour. Your sandman draped in a nightmare, somehow still serving you dope. You’ll need it to keep throwing up bricks. Keep clinking off the front rim for all the honey badgers at the goodwill. They know how to eat and sleep off the toxins. Church choir honey badgers that won’t let you stop listening to the bass. No topic change. No remorse for your lack of color. Brightening me more has always been a challenge. Get put on a t-shirt by your own mom while backwoods hillbillies laugh on Twitter. Feel that, you shepherd dog. Clint Eastwood behind an iron.
2021 NBA FINALS
I’m clairvoyant and we all need to get comfortable with that reality. Down 2-0 against one of the best back courts in the NBA, my Milwaukee Bucks never dropped their hands. I told you all to keep believing, to keep fearing the deer, to never doubt The Greek Freak. I can’t explain why I became so obsessed with Giannis and The Bucks my sophomore year of high school. I saw a couple of his highlight tapes from Greece and I just thought he was amazing. Secretly, I think I liked the fact that the Bucks were so bad and that Giannis was so limited in terms of his shooting. It was around the time where Golden State’s way of playing was really catching on, so I remember thinking that Giannis represented an antiquated way of playing basketball. The way that I love for it to be played, but outdated nonetheless. My fandom overall was honest, but there was definitely a part of it that stemmed from my desire to be oppositional to the changes happening in basketball. I liked that my fandom didn’t make sense. I mean, for fucks sake OJ Mayo was on that team, if that tells you anything. Anyways, my Bucks were horrible but slowly got better and after some time it wasn’t so crazy to be a fan. 2 years ago I received plenty of texts blasting me for Giannis’ performance in the ECF. It was funny to me because they forgot how far that team had come to even get there. Nonetheless, it was upsetting because - at the moment - it really felt like the parts of basketball that I most loved were rapidly dying out. I love action in the paint, I love defense, I love seeing people get put on posters. I respect small ball and the natural transitions that all sports take towards playing styles that are the most successful. I do. It’s what makes sports so interesting technically and tactically. Still, small ball pick and roll basketball just doesn’t light a fire under my ass. That’s why this championship feels so personal to me. I feel validated for holding such an intense love for a certain style of basketball. Yes, these Bucks are not the same as those in 2012-2013 and they rely greatly on the three. Nevertheless, the spirit of the team is blue collar, hard nosed. Down 2-0 they showed that. That game winning alley oop in game 5 showed that. Giannis hyperextending his knee less than a month ago showed that. Long love the Greek Freak, long live the Bucks, long live going hard in the paint, and please - for the love of God - FEAR THE GODDAMN DEAR.
UFC FIGHT NIGHT: SANDHAGEN VS. DILLASHAW
TJ ‘the snake’ Dillashaw is back after completing his 2 year substance ban from the UFC. Unfortunately for Dillashaw, he is set to face one of the scariest men in the bantamweight division. Seriously, Cory Sandhagen might have one of the most punishing styles in the UFC. Not only will he kick or knee your head off, if you’re dumb enough to take him to the ground, he will find a way to crank your kneck or some other limb in ways that it should never be cranked. The man is aggression incarnate. Just look back at his knockouts of Marlon Moraes and Frankie Edgar and let yourself be wowed. I think it could be a really, really ugly night for Dillashaw who will most certainly have ring rust after such a long hiatus. Sandhagen stops Dillashaw in the 2nd or 3rd. Although, who knows. This is the fight game and Dillashaw is a former champ. Champions are cut from something different.
2020 TOKYO OLYMPICS
There’s something so wildly exhilarating about the summer games. I don’t really have much to say. I don’t know many of the athletes. I don’t know many of the narratives. What I do know is that we all get to put on our patriot hats and cheer like drunken idiots for USA USA USA. I think that a little bit of patriotism is what we need right now. With the reemergence of the coronavirus, it seems like our country is only doubling down on tearing itself apart from within. I don’t know how we got here. I don’t know when science and vaccines became politicized. I don’t know when message boards and decentralized social media platforms became the true ideological epicenters of conservatism. I don’t know when empathy for the weak went out of fashion. I don’t know when myth and hoax’s replaced hundreds of years of progress. I just don’t know and I refuse to get it. I’m over it. What I do know is that we are about to showcase our best athletes to the entire world. We are going to have the spotlight on us. The USA will be sized up and scrutinized. You don’t think there will be talks of our internal problems? We are going to be dissected, as we always are. I just hope we are ready to hear the criticisms and the praises.
RECAP
Last weekend was one of the most unforgettable 48 hours of sports ever. Multiple championships and legacies were contested which naturally heightened the pressure and the emotions surrounding all of it. There were so many big, important narratives talked about all week long, and, thankfully, these competitions drew out some of the most intense emotions we as humans can feel. They did not disappoint. We felt it all this weekend. Euphoria, insecurity, glory, heartbreak, and the overwhelming feeling of having just witnessed history in the making.
To begin with, the Conor and Poirier fight will forever stand alone in time as a perfect definition of what karma is. I don't say that with any sort of pride or happiness or feelings of justice, either. I think karma is dumb as fuck and I'd prefer if it wasn't a real thing, but it is. Conor got to feel it first hand on Saturday when he took that misstep on his left ankle. That misstep was just the most recent of the many he has taken in the last 3 years. Conor has been spiraling since the Khabib fight in multiple ways, not just in terms of character. It's as if the trolley incident was the final trigger that caused a complete separation between Conor and The Notorious. He tried to act like a good guy for the Cowboy fight and the second fight with Dustin, but that didn't really work for him because it's not him. I've said it before, I'll always watch Conor in whatever he's doing. I'm not watching him out of admiration or respect, necessarily. It's more because he's a showman with a python for a left arm. Even with his ankle shattered, lying on the floor battered after the ground and pound Dustin had just served him, he still had the wherewithal to somehow cut a promo for a fourth fight. I say "cut a promo" as if he didn't just say some of the most childish, inappropriate statements ever heard in a UFC octagon (which is saying a lot). But yes, that's exactly what he did. He set up the possibility of a 4th fight which will never happen by talking the same shit. I say it will never happen because Conor has stopped growing as a fighter. Between the boxing, the inactivity, the stance change, the odd training camps in Dubai, Conor has stopped being a devoted martial artist for about 3 years now. No one in the fight game, regardless of skill level, can make that many mistakes in their career, at this stage of their career, without taking some major, major defeats. I just don't see Conor at 33 coming back and beating two top 10 guys in the most competitive division of the UFC to earn a rematch with Dustin. Won't happen. At least I guarantee that if the 4th fight ever does happen, it won't be for a belt. Anyways, the same way karma is a real thing, so is notoriety, and I promise we will have our eyes glued to whatever monitor or screen is broadcasting the "Pride of Ireland's" next fight.
I'm really happy for Messi. The little genius deserves it. He's had such heartbreaking moments with that national team. It's really been such a bitter ride for him up until now. Between all of his misses in the finals, all of the criticism from Argentinians, all of the times he said he was going to quit, poor Leo has lived a nightmare with the national team. I'm very relieved for him because a player of his quality needed a big international trophy. I have such a special place in my heart for the little genius. At points in my life, I've despised him even though I secretly fashioned my own way of playing soccer off of him and Maradona. Using few skills and mostly just cutting or creating imbalances in the defenders through head feints. I drove myself a bit insane with the intensity of emotions he drew out of me. I then grew up and loved the game more and, quickly, came to just admire him and have a sort of peaceful jealousy over his success with Barcelona. Then, Real Madrid started winning all of those Champions Leagues and La Ligas while Ronaldo also won the Euros and I felt bad for Messi. Yes, he deserved the criticism that he was receiving because the statistics don't lie, but I thought more respect was owed to him. I don't think he will ever be a greater player than Cristiano or technically more gifted than Zidane or Ronaldinho, nonetheless, Messi is eternal. If I had the option of creating the best starting 11, the first person I would pick would be Cristiano without hesitation. That being said, Messi would be number two, without hesitation. Long Live Leo.
It's not coming home, and it never was. I knew England was going to bottle it, but not like that. That was brutal to watch. I cannot believe that a team of 11 men would ever score in the first 3 minutes of play and think to themselves, "let's protect this lead for another 90 minutes." That can't be the natural reaction from a group of grown-ass men, which makes me think it was a tactical decision. In that case, I'm even more perplexed. That sort of decision-making is only done when you know before the match that you are the inferior of the two teams. Gareth Southgate must've believed that. England could've gone up 2-0 or even 3-0, they still would've blown the lead. Why? Because they stepped on that field knowing they were the inferior team. That all being said, England will be a force to reckon with in the next World Cup. Why? Because the feeling of making amends and avenging yourself is a strong one. It will drive people in ways that other emotions just can't. This England team has now suffered tough losses in a World Cup semifinal and a Euros final...back to back. You don't think that will inspire them? On the other hand, this Italian team was just a treat to watch. Terrifying, but so subtle at the same time. I really think that Mancini is doing some very special things with Italian soccer. This new way of interpreting the game is so colorful offensively, yet, still so Italian in the back, I love it. Early World Cup 2022 finalist prediction: Brazil vs. England.
PREVIEW
UFC: FIGHT NIGHT MAKHACHEV VS. MOISES
On Saturday we will be reminded again as to why it took close to 2 years to get a fight for Islam against Drew Dober -- it's because nobody wants to get dismembered live on non-PPV ESPN. It's because there's nobody in the division outside of top 10 guys who can deal with Mr. Makhachev. I think Islam wins easily and stops Moises early. Seeing coach Mendez's footage of Islam at AKA was enough for me to know. They're going to have to give Makhachev a top 10 guy after this and I wouldn't be surprised to see this guy fighting for the belt in a year. Miesha Tate is back and she says she is eager to show that she's still the same octagon legend as before. I won't make a prediction there but I do think Jeremy Stephens loses to Gamrot and is forced to look at retirement. He's had a ton of fights and has lost four of his last five bouts. I hope I'm wrong but, unfortunately, this is how these warriors' careers usually end, by going out on their shields.
2021 NBA FINALS
I shouldn't even write anything. It was 0-2 Suns up, now it's 2-2 going back to Phoenix. That's all I can really shake out of myself. Fear the deer. Fear the goddamn deer.