Accountants and financial analysts still crunching the numbers on how to get a personality.
Empowering or just rehashing old trauma? This boy boss totally knows the difference
Are you being insensitive to your white supremacist friend by keeping the token minority in the group chat?
New law stops man from practicing self-love. Economists say it's a sign of good things to come.
How realizing he was a himbo fixed everything in this himbo's life.
I’ll keep a lid on it
Held up a mirror
Showed me how scary
That wasn’t the plan
Up until lately
I’ll keep a lid on it
Because divine intervention isn’t just a slogan
Maybe we all just forgot
About the other half that goes in
So I’ll keep a lid on it
Until it goes out
Nuclear fusion mocking
Your lack of knockout
Time ticking
A movement
No doubt
I’ll make sure to keep a lid on it
Until nobody will
This is not an exit for you
So I’ll pick up the bill
Fall in love again now
It might break the illusion
Winning and losing, winning and losing
I’ll keep a lid on it
Only hint at the end.
Fuchsia championing
In the shadows of bland
I’ll keep a lid on it
But you understand
1. Does being poor make you a bad person? Some people are legitimately asking.
2. Four actually cute ways to steal someone's tastes and personality.
3. Boyfriend who didn't ask enough questions now an ex-boyfriend with a domination kink.
4. Boss who forgot his manners also forgot he could get punched in the mouth.
5. Here's how this man traded in his laziness and shittiness for a BPD diagnosis (and why you should as well).
*I'm going to be doing a sports piece weekly or bi-weekly from now on going forward. I'll most likely stick to talking just about soccer, UFC, and NFL but will do my best to touch on other important news outside of those sports.*
UFC 263
It's awesome that I get to kick off this column by talking about one of the most exciting cards of the year. From top to bottom this is one of the best UFC events of 2021 in terms of star power. The fireworks really get started with the Belal Muhammad and Demian Maia fight. On one hand, Muhammad is eager to show that he is a legitimate top 10 guy in the welterweight division. Unfortunately for Muhammad, he wasn't able to showcase much in his last fight against Leon Edwards which was stopped early due to that terrible eye poke on Muhammad. On the other hand, Demian Maia could be fighting his last fight and, if he wins, would be tying Cowboy Cerrone's record in the UFC for wins. I expect a tough fight for Muhammad who will have to deal with Demian Maia's top-tier grappling. Although Muhammad has plenty of power, I have Maia coming out with the victory in this one. Moving forward in the card, we have another welterweight showdown between iconic UFC legend, Nate Diaz, and up-and-coming British contender, Leon 'Rocky' Edwards. This is a super intriguing fight in multiple aspects. To begin with, Nate Diaz is an absolute maniac for taking this fight. I've been watching all the videos dropped by the UFC in the lead-up to this fight and Nate looks like shit. I don't mean he doesn't look sharp on the pads or rolling, I mean he looks like a sack of shit. He looks and talks like an old man and I just don't think he's ready for the youth and power of Edwards. I love what Nate represents and I respect his legacy as a fighter but I think he's in over his head. I think this could be a really ugly fight for Nate and I predict he will get stopped for the first time since Josh Thompson. Moving on to the first of two title fights is the rematch between Deiveson Figuereido and Brandon Moreno. The first fight between these two is arguably one of the best UFC fights that I have ever seen. Many claimed it was the best fight in the flyweight division if that gives you some perspective. Both of these boys went out there and traded like grown-ass men for five rounds. This fight will be no different and the margins will be razor-thin. My mind reaffirms to me the fact that Deiveson is a fighting machine, but my heart has convinced me that Moreno is just too much of a dog. Moreno by KO in the fourth or fifth. Lastly, the second of two title fights, Adesanya vs. Vettori is going to be an absolute banger. I don't think it will have the same action as the Figgy vs. Moreno fight, however, I think we will witness a historic appearance by Adesanya. I think that Stylebender is on a mission to clean up the middleweight roster and Vettori is just the next body in the way. Marvin Vettori is a bad man, don't get me wrong. He's well-rounded and has power, but that's proven to not be enough when it comes to dealing with Izzy. It was the look in Vettori's eyes at the staredown that sealed it for me. Adesanya KO in the first or second round.
EUROS 2020
Thankfully, the pandemic didn't kill sports altogether and we will be able to enjoy the Euros this summer after them being delayed for a year. The storylines of the tournament are the following: Karim Benzema is back with France, this is most likely Ronaldo's last Euro, what can we expect from powerhouses Germany and Spain who have been a bit irregular in the last major competitions, can Belgium continue to be the best team in the world despite Hazard's nightmarish year, will this new, golden generation of England take the next step, and, finally, how absolutely amazing it is to see North Macedonia in their first major competition. It's going to be a really tactical and close tournament, as the Euros usually are. I can see Portugal not getting out of the group of death (please God let me be wrong). I predict that Italy will make a deeper run than most people expect them to. I really like Chiesa and Immobile up top and, like always, Italians know how to defend, so, I think they have a strong side even if on paper it doesn't seem that impressive. I think that Germany and Spain underwhelm simply because both countries seem to be starting a new cycle in terms of talent, which for most national teams takes a few years to sort out. That all being said, I think that the clear-cut frontrunner to win the tournament is France and there's really nobody else that gets close. The MGB (Mbappe, Griezmann, Benzema) along with Kante and that great backline with Varane is going to be too much for even the likes of England or Belgium. France wins it easily and Deschamps will continue to hide his glaring shortcomings as a tactician. I think Harry Kane ends up being the top goal scorer of the tournament Kante or De Bruyne win player of the tournament.
BONUS
The NBA playoffs are going on and my Bucks are down 2 games to 1 going into this game 4 matchups in Milwaukee. Although I think the Brooklyn Nets will ultimately be too much for us, please remember to fear the deer. Phase 3 of NFL OTA's is set to wrap up soon which means we are that much closer to training camps and pre-season. I can almost hear Chris Anderson's sweet, sweet voice getting ready to kick off NFL Redzone.
The last year of my life has been earmarked and punctuated by tarot card readings. Outside of my religious beliefs, I'm not a superstitious person. Nonetheless, these readings have been oddly accurate and it's been unsettling to a certain degree. It's funny because I was so close to not doing the first tarot reading. My badly inebriated brain wanted some attention, so it pushed me into asking this girl if I could be the next person she dealt the cards to. It happened suddenly while at this party with some tattooed hippies who grew not to like me. It was one of the longest days of my life, interestingly enough. I had been running around since early in the morning. I was up making tea's, getting picnic supplies, mapping out all the nice spots I wanted to visit in the city. I hiked around Kansas City with my friend from south to north to east to west back down to the south. We talked in the arts district about how it felt forbidden that I was able to wander around. Took scooters in the river market and felt like we were two of the oldest buildings there. Saw a couple of teenagers who asked us if we were with these two attractive women in the plaza. We told them we had no shot and they laughed saying that they might go talk to them. We got away from them fast, triggered by something in their voices. We saw some past lover, wrapped up the sunlight hours of our daydream, and headed off to go visit the judgmental hippies. I don't remember anything about the party besides the beginning with the tarot cards and the end where we all huddled into some broke-ass car. The tarot cards, according to this girl BeeBee, said that I was going to lose even more control of my life than I already had and that I needed to be cautious because I could be further putting myself into jeopardy. She said something about a nine of swords card and a hanging man card. The prediction was not good, but I could see how it would make sense for my life at that specific moment. I had told myself around 2 months prior to that tarot card reading that I was going to use the pandemic and the time it provided to make myself uncomfortable and learn new things. Losing more control was what I wanted. I was looking for discomfort and pain and hard work. Nevertheless, like these things usually go, we never have any idea how much is truly in store. After that tarot reading, I went on to move halfway across the country for a job, lose one of my closest friends, not be able to work the job I moved for in the first place, get myself into almost $2,500 worth of debt, become infatuated and then disillusioned in a girl, get into a dozen fights or so, almost lose my relationship with my parents, and just generally face the incredibly harsh reality of money. It's been a lot, frankly, so this last Friday when I was offered a tarot reading at a dive bar by a Winona Ryder-looking woman I was reticent, to say the least. Things had started to sort of look up for me and I was worried that she would give me yet another negative reading, making all my hard work vanish. On the contrary, she told me that my big wish was getting ready to come through. That I had slowly, yet, progressively been making small, incremental changes that would pay off soon in a massive way. I asked her if it was something with work and she responded that it was greater than that, that it was something deep inside of me that I had always wanted. Right when I started feeling as if the curse had been lifted and I could forget about the night with BeeBee and the hippies, Winona Ryder added, "But be careful because what you're about to get is something so important and life-changing that your way of living will change entirely. You will shift into a new reality for yourself." She took a pause, looked at me with wild eyes, hesitated in collecting the cards with her hands, and said, "You'll have to worry about the people around you, babe. They'll ride your coattails, make you question your power, and that will be your next big valley. You're the star. You're the pillar of salt, so don't forget that." I just finished my beer and told her that I think I need to read more of the Old Testament. I did go on to receive good news - which I won't disclose here - but it doesn't change the fact that I feel like I need to get closer to a vengeful God. EDIT: Also, she looked like she had been kicked in the head, so maybe my reading was for my friend. Were the readings accurate after all (I write this close to a year after)? You bet your sweet ass they were.