Here are the facts:
I’ve badly lost money the last 4 PPVs.
I’m betting the most money I’ve ever bet on an any card this weekend.
Diego Lopes is the architect of the rat race.
What does that say for us? Yeah, we could be superstars. Or we can fall off spinning tops.
Figuereido vs. Garbarandt
I don’t have much money on the line for this one. We’re sticking to the strategy. We need the confetti to be our color so we’re only betting 3 fights big this card. 1 of them being a God bet. I think Figgy was heavy for 125 but that doesn’t mean he will be a true 135er. Cody - outside of his trailer park, fluoride water intellect and Dan Flashes apparel - seems to have become a reasonable, humble guy in his approach to training. I think his head movement and footwork is better than before (they have to be since he has no chin now). He will also always have crazy power. I like Garbarandt ML.
Green vs. Miller
Jim Fucking Miller is too tough to bet against. Meanwhile, I still have PTSD from when Green KOed Dawson with a jab. Very conflicted here in terms of logic. They say not to gamble with your emotions but my baseline when I look at Bobby’s face is seething, boiling over, foaming at the mouth. Fuck it. Spite bet. Miller ML (not more than a band or two).
Turner vs. Moicano
There is actually a God bet before The God bet. Moicano is a man of God (and money, my brudda). He will show us what a true believer does. He is favored. Jalin Turner will find out. Anything is possible through the most high. A small lump sum of $150 on Moicano makes sense. Nothing crazy. He can take the punishment needed to close the distance. It’s a long shot but through God anything is possible. Moicano ML (sprinkle on the SUB).
Yusuff vs. Lopes
Tunnel vision. I’m daydreaming in the teepee with tea leaves steaming. Wide-eyed Yusuff. Backpack, backpack! My line is holding on for dear life as I try to reel in this whale. I’ve been patiently waiting. Fuck it up, take the bitch to soak city. ~40% of my bankroll for this card is on the architect of the rat race. He’s electric, he’s a star in the making, however, most important to me, he is as bloodthirsty as they come. Diego just knows how to hurt. Money is what we’ve got right now before the economy finally collapses, so I’m gonna spend it. Maybe capitalism 2.0 is no capitalism at all. Maybe the almost 33% of billionaires who are trust fund babies get all of that money stripped away. Maybe Diego eats them alive. Lopes ML (I also like the 1st round SUB).
Kattar vs. Sterling
I’m not betting this fight but I see Kattar is +500 to get a TKO/KO/DQ. That sort of number glimmers in my eye. You gotta throw some mo’ on it.
Prochazka vs. Rakic
The battle for Europe is what they’re calling this fight. It has potential to be one of the best fights of the night considering the trash talk between these two - which not many expected (although it’s mainly just Rakic). Jiri was holding back tears at the mic when someone reminded him that he’s not an actual samurai. Poor guy is going to be an issue once the CTE kicks in (if it hasn’t already). Nevertheless, I like Prochazka to take the victory. Finally healed up and I actually think he will wrestle this fight. Just need to see how he handles those calf kicks. This fight accounts for like 10% of my bankroll this card. Prochazka ML.
Nickal vs. Brundage
Life sure can take some unexpected turns in a short amount of time. You could find a new career, get sick of your soulmate, start mewing 8 hours a day, get brainwashed by a cult. Anything can change with the passing of the ages. I thought my hatred for Brundage was immovable until they matched him up against Mr. Humility (Bo Nickal). Nickal just brings out the anti-ginger agenda imbedded into all of our DNA. He’s such a cocky fuck who hasn’t been tested at all. As much as Brundage is a can and a quitter, I feel like he could give Nickal problems. They’ve always said Brundage is a world beater in the gym, maybe he finally shows it. That’s just how this sport works. Odds got as bad as +1400 for Brundage. I took him at that value and sprinkled on that 1st round Brundage SUB (+7000). Why not? It’s $10 to change a life.
Oliveira vs. Tsarukyan
“I am illuminated by God.” Yes, we’re here, the monetarily and culturally much more significant God bet of the night. The champion has a name - Charles ‘Du Bronx’ Oliveira. If Tony Ferguson got me into MMA, then Charles Oliveira made me stick around. The man just has an unbreakable aura around him. Rocking a yellow suit with the Cuban link. Boy if you don’t stop. I’m betting a pretty penny on Olives here. Yes, I’m betraying my deep, intense, passionate love for the Armenian people, but I just can’t turn my back on Charlie. I think Arman will easily take the first round, however, Oliveira will begin to grow in his striking and find the finish in the 2nd. Oliveira ML (this fight is like 25% of my bankroll).
Gaethje vs. Holloway
Only putting $50 on Max this fight. I really just want to enjoy these two monsters before they find themselves out of the fight game and in the Hall of Fame. I hope nobody gets brutally KOed in a career defining way. I also don’t want another doctor stoppage like the 1st BMF title fight, which I can somehow see happening this time around with these two. Rumors are that Gaethje has been drinking and partying a ton during the last year. I’m banking on that causing him to gas out in the face of Max’s pressure. Those sort of lifestyle choices matter. Justin also said in an interview that he gets withdrawals when he stops smoking weed. If the Penjamin has you tweaking up at night all sweaty, you’re minced meat in my eyes. I’ve jotted down my notes. Holloway ML.
Zhang vs. Yiaonan
Here we are, the battle for the CCP. I have a theory this could be the best fight of the night simply due to scripting. If you are old enough to remember the 2008 Beijing Olympics, you’ll remember how memorable the opening ceremony was. The CCP know how to put on a show and I suspect they’ll do the same thing with this fight. It will be an odyssey. Perfectly choreographed for our entertainment with the necessary peaks and valleys of a great storyline. Thank you CCP for not only shaping and twisting the reality of your population, but now that of the western world. Weili ML but I would be lying if I said I didn’t bet Xiaonan +600 to win by TKO/KO/DQ. Something about Xiaonan’s new teeth inspires hope (also Weill couldn’t hang with Lemos on the feet which is worrying).
Hill vs. Pereira
The last roughly 25% of my bankroll goes directly on the recently shaved and painted head of Poatan. Hill was doing so well during fight week by not creating any unnecessary bad blood between the two of them. Pereira was recently heartbroken by a femme fatale who turned out to be married. Jamahal was so close to finishing the week without motivating Alex more than he should and then he pulls the little stunt with the water bottle. Jamahal is so annoying he just couldn’t help himself. “He tried to act like a nice guy having me sign his jacket then he disrespected me - on Saturday I will make him pay,” Pereira said at the weigh-ins. I agree with him. In fact, all the fake nice guys of the world must pay. Just be a piece of shit in the open like me. There is just too much mysticism and power surrounding Alex. I can’t fade him. He’s going to steal Hill’s soul in the 2nd round once he’s maimed his calf with several kicks in the 1st. Pereira ML. Chama.