I’ve never fallen in love that quickly and, hopefully, I never will again. I use to be notorious for it but not so much recently. Love is what we will call it, since I want to convince myself (and you) that I have the capacity for it. Anyways, in total, it might’ve taken me ~20 minutes before I was totally, completely - and utterly - obsessed with her. All of her bottom teeth are crooked, she grew up in a commune outside of Jacksonville, she dresses like a rainbow, there are no records of her last name on any ancestry websites, she calls personal items “treasures,” and I haven’t had an orgasm since meeting her where I don’t close my eyes before climax and envision her with my cock deep down her throat while her mascara drips along her thin, freckled face. When I first met her, I thought there was something seriously wrong with her. I was shocked by how loud she laughed, how big she smiled, and how wide her eyes got when showing excitement. I thought maybe she’d had an accident or something. I didn’t think much of her outside of that, then, a few days later, I heard her private voice and her private jokes. While her public voice sounds like that of a game show host, her private voice is that of a suave con artist. It’s slightly raspy and she talks much, much slower. She moans “mhm” instead of saying yes and calls people “nerds” when they’re inconsiderate. She's taken seriously by everyone, yet, everything is playful with her. There is no room for wet blankets when you’re in her presence. Never a dull or wasted moment and I can feel myself craving her with every tap of my keyboard. I've just never met someone so secure in their identity. It’s almost chilling. Last week, she stretched her hand out full of M&Ms and asked if I wanted some. When I took two she grinningly said, “oh wait, some of them are poisoned but I forgot which, you sure you still want them?” I threw both at her. She picked them off the ground with her toes, flicked them up into the palm of her hand, ate them, then walked away with a skip. I wanted to throw her up against the Naloxone dispensary and tear off her long, flowery dress then feed her her pink panties for lunch. I feel out of control when she’s in the room making me the highest. She’s arguably the smartest person I’ve ever met in terms of both IQ and EQ. I’ve heard her talk about epigenetic theory, the societal effects poverty has on a community, Murphy’s law, and the importance of meditating after an important event in order to create deeper meaning. She’s the sweetest person to ever exist, too. I’ve seen her take care of a single mother crying with no food. I’ve seen her console refugees with no home. When I asked her out on a date two days ago, she told me she was engaged. Yesterday, I found there were M&Ms laying on my car. Today she surprised me in the evening saying, “bye forever! don't get too bored without me.” I asked, “bye forever?” She replied, “yup, I get to go home now.” I took a second and stared at her blankly like a goat pissing down it's leg and asked, “what about our date?” Her eyes bulged and she gave me her usual, manic grin. “Careful with those M&Ms.”
Running Up That Hill - Kate Bush
Nice 2 Me - piri ft. Tommy Villiers
You Oughta Know - Alanis Morisette