Because I know I’ve rubbed you the right way for it to make me something real in the electrons from here to Singapore. Alice alive. That’s why I’m here to tell you that everything that has happened, was held together by the grace of God and his flawed, evil hands. He could’ve made me into a rubber duck bouncing around your newborn’s bath, yet, he decided to cast me into what you know me as.
“Business as usual, usually, I wouldn’t smile, ‘less it cost a couple thousand and millions.”
And I’m not here to heal wounds or seem like I have answers, it’s more like a colorway. A choice of tone I can’t feel anymore and struggle to believe I ever felt. I’m insecure, a moron fighting the biggest guy at the bar proving to someone in his head that I can get punched harder than you and still smile back. To soothe things and smooth things, with the same perverted grimace but a smile for you, nonetheless, my darling. I love you, you stupid, sexy slut who I ruled over and you ruled over me. I know that I’m getting so ugly. I’ve eaten so well the last two years, it now matches me on the outside. It’s all good, I’m doing more than fine, I was just playing, it’s a prank. Don’t call the hotline or whatever. I’m just sick of being so abusivo and controlling and lame when I don’t have to be - because I’m perfectly fine without life, light, love or laughter. You met me at the wrong time and your soul was cursed possibly more than mine, but, damn, we met at the wrong time, my favorite pet. You’ll only have to fight me a little to get me to run these hands through your hair again.
“I put the team on gold, I hope they can’t do better, she wants a queen, let’s go.”
I haven’t wanted to put this here because I do think I’m better than you. Perhaps I know it and, so, let’s be enraged about it. Submit a bunch of work somewhere or go clock in. Fuck one of my bitches harder and believe her when she says you’re number 1. She hasn’t placed here in years and I think her brain is hanging out more than mine, not that I had anything to do with that. Send me something that reminds me that there are Gods above me. Steal that one idea. Do whatever you need to do, it isn’t up to you anymore. I guess I’ve never been able to run numbers quietly so everyone thinks they have adult swim around me. In sports they call it having an embarrassment of riches. Still, in the meantime, I pick my nose and continue to be ignored. I remain talking too long with someone from another area code. I’m cumming and cumming and cumming while punching ten weight classes above me. I talk a whole lot of shit, huh? Go check under my mattress. It’s laughing at all of you. There’s echoes if you listen closely. Guess you also have something to laugh at too, but my stomach is hurting and that’s different than empty. Call my boss and tell them that I murder people and I would shit in his mouth if he opened it just one too many times. You’ll have another one to tie to the band of bums.
“A tres Barbies ya me junté. Y la noche empieza con Moët. Y de la backpack yo ya me forjé pa’ volar otra vez.”
I talked about how I wanted her and I would have her. Now I want to bite down on a belt while I peel off into a field close to death. Alone. Please, take a sample of my liver and give it counseling for all this plastic swinging by. Laughing about it since I was young, you jotted down notes. Let me be overdramatic about it while you tune out. I’m gone and perhaps I’ve dragged you with me. Misery loves company and I’m just now getting famous in Eastern Europe. Buzz buzz buzz know I’m grotesque buzz piss piss buzz know that I’m driving fast in my car with no seat belt sting sting sting backwash know that I’m leaving the city digging holes into my skin. There’s no state records invoking me or any sort of help. A perfectly adequate citizen who walks among us. Someone put me on a no fly list like I need it. How long have I been leeching off everything around me is probably what you want to know. It’s all putrid, please, please. Now I’ve had my fill and I’m unamused by it all, even if you’re hot and dancing on my lap.
“I love, love, love flesh and blood. Blood. Money so boring, money so weak. I stay snoring, truth industry.”
I’m making do with what I have. Not proud but I’m just the best. I hold a lighter for myself every night as I wish metaphysical tsunamis drag the bed away. I’m blessed to be in vogue with something beyond just power and sex. And I thought I lived off low hanging fruit. Perhaps I’ve upgraded to being a cockroach who buys diamonds when he’s under pressure. I dare people to rip one of my passions away. Do it you fucking pussy, but you won’t, because you know it’s like Medusa. Don’t mind that, ignore it, just fraud talk.
“It’s gon’ be a disaster, he ain’t no stepper, that boy into fashion. Stop all that capping, aim for his māthā, cabbage, he in a casket.”
Things were always predictable and continue to be. I was right about you, I was right about me, I was right and continue to be. Can I come out the other end with ten tails pinned on me and still have this stupid smile? Somebody is tapping me on a shoulder telling me yes, so I guess we are running with that. I was complimented for it the other night. They said it was perfect and that my curly hair was the cherry on top. Just let me know if you want smoke, because I can send it. I’ll hold the blick just as long as I’ll hold these urges to taste. The stakes will never be the same when playing in this backyard.
“We’re playing shoegaze and kissing in the car. Using your lips to trace my scars. It’s a fact. I’m a real freak baby, I don’t give a fuck if they call me crazy. When I was little it was violence on the daily.”