1. Bummer. Guy not as hot even after picking up hot guy hobbies
2. Bro who is too cool for everyone also too cool to clean his butt
3. Oops. Social justice warrior calls out man for white privilege - man actually working-class Colombian on the run from war crimes
4. Brave. Trust fund baby vows to only publicly date other trust fund babies
5. Man ready to admit that ex has become a better person, changes his mind after thinking about how good she fucks